About a month ago I decided to go back to Harry Potter. I had distanced myself from anything to do with the phenomenon for three years. Maybe my conscience was seared, but it didn't feel like a huge scary step to me. And while the experience of re-reading the fifth book, reading the sixth book for the first time and watching all the current movies was engrossing, I didn't turn into a tortured soul like my younger years. Life carried on.
My sister was re-reading the last two books in preparation for the seventh and final book. I yearned to join her and talk with her about Harry Potter things, just like old times. I realized, in my reading, that I could trace the pattern of my teenage years through these books. Not only did Harry Potter seem to be going through some of the same challenges that I had, but I could remember other details of what had been going on in my life when I had read each book, seen each movie. My life was shaped and patterned around Harry Potter's from the time I was twelve to the time I turned sixteen.
And so there I was, reading again and remembering. I knew what I was doing was wrong and part of me feared that, from Satan's point of view, I had made the final surrender. I told no one of my little adventure, partly out of pride and partly because I really did want to do this thing quietly. I didn't want to get caught up in the scene. I was sick of the scene.
My close friends knew, but that had been with me through my "Harry Potter years". Talking to them about Potter stuff was a comfort rather than a frustration. It felt like…my youth. But I couldn't stand talking to anyone else about it.
Soon I had caught up on my reading and movie viewing. I had a short reprieve until the seventh and final book came out. Surprisingly, I started to really come back to God during this time. I'm not sure why, but I have a few guesses. Maybe the seeds from family camp had started to grow. Maybe it was because I was so enthralled with the book I was reading, The Visitation. Maybe now that I had done the worst I was capable of doing I could only go uphill, back towards God. That is not to say that I didn't love God all that time, but I wasn't living for Him as I should have been.
I told myself often that I should make that choice now and stop this Potter business and make a full surrender to God. But I chose not to. I had to see this through or I would never be able to leave my teenage years behind me.
Last night I finished reading the last book. Harry lived, quite frankly, happily ever after and now, I could too. There is was, the conclusion to my teenage years. I could live on never having to worry. Never having to be haunted about Harry Potter.
Today, the day after, I feel the tell-tale signs of an unexplainable Potter depression; but my sister says this will pass in a day or two. It happened to her, too. But I am glad and thanking God for this new beginning.
Patience
By Take That
Just have a little patience
Still hurting from a love I lost,
Feeling your frustration,
Any minute all the pain will stop,
Just hold, me close, inside your arms,
tonight,don't be too hard on my emotions,
'Cause I, need time.
My heart is numb, has no feeling.
So while I'm still healing,
Just try, and have a little patience
I really want to start over again,
I know you wanna be my salvation.
The one that I could always depend,
I'll try to be strong believe me,
I'm trying to move on,
It's complicated but understand me.
'Cause I, need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while I'm still healing,
Just try, and have a little patience,
have a little patience,
'Cause the scars run so deep,
It's been hard
But I have to believe.
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