Why I quit Unionaires (Among Other Things)

So for those of you who haven't figured it out yet, I quit Unionaires. I also dropped out of the chorister postion at my church, but that probably means nothing to most of you. So what happened? Why did I leave?

I don't know how many people know this, but I've stuggled with clinical depression and anxiety since I was 15. If you want to know my thrilling depression story, ask me. I'm not going to talk about it here because this isn't about depression, this is about anxiety.

My anxiety started getting worse as I grew into adulthood. I would say the worst of it "started" when I was 18 and a half. I'm 20 and a half now. I always thought that the constanst stress with physical cues, the emotional breakdowns because I couldn't handle it and the shutting down and staying home when too much was going on were all part of normal life. I told myself I was older and I better buck up and take it because this was life.

I just started working on some of my anxiety issues with my therapist and I was starting to do a little better. Things were looking up. Then three things happened: I got asked to babysit for another Bible study my boss was having (I'm a child care worker at St. Mark's Northwest Methodist). Then I was asked to babysit a baby boy for a few hours four days a week at Wesleyan, where my mom works (I had previously agreed to this). And last but not least, I got my Unionaires schedule for the next semester.

At a previous point, I was kind of pulled in both directions with Unionaires. I like singing, of course. I think I have a nice voice and I think I should use it, especially in a ministry sense.
But I don't really enjoy rehersals or much of the music in Unionaires. I don't really enjoy performances, either. I like the social aspect of tours and rehersals, but to tell you the truth, I never felt like I was part of the group. I felt like an outcast. While people were very kind to me, I really only made one good friend (Esther) during the year I was in the choir. Jordan was my friend previously, so she doesn't count. And while there are the people who were nice to me, I was also treated very rudely on more than one occasion.

This isn't to say the rest of you aren't my friends! I love you all and you're totally awesome. But you know those friends you call up when you have a problem and you hang out with them on a fairly regular basis? That's what I'm talking about.

Thursday morning I went through my calender putting down the Unionaires dates and the babysitting times. There were so many conflicts and it was so busy I could tell that I wasn't going to have time to really eat, or sleep, or get sick, or do something creative, or take care of my animals, or do my laundry or even do my schoolwork (which is my priority) and graduate. I kind of had an emotional breakdown and I thanked God I was going to see my therapist that morning.
Now you have to understand that I'm not a Union student with a campus job and I don't go to CVC. My main job is babysitting and sometimes pet sitting. I go to a small church called Northside on the other side of town and I am a very active member there. So every time we (meaning Unionaires) do a performance on any day of the week, especially weekends, I have to ask more than one boss for the day off and, if it's on a Saturday, I have to make all sorts of complicated switches to make sure my duties are taken care of at church. It's a lot harder for me than it is for a Union student.

I really like my schoolwork and I'm looking forward to being a veterinary technician. I like a quiet life at home with my family and animals. I enjoy most of my work babysitting. I like to write stories. On the side, I like to do a little musical stuff. I didn't want it to take over my life.
After talking to my mom, friends and therapist I made the decision to quit Unionaires. I was very unhappy where I was and now I feel so much calmer and more free.
I really had some great times with you all you Unionaires and I hope you stay in touch. Who knows? Maybe I'll come back some day.