Hi all,

Okay, now you finally get the whole story:

My period started getting out of control so Saturday morning I called the gyno on call at the office. She upped my hormone pills and said to call on Monday. Around ten or so in the evening I started to have bad pain that wasn't responding to my normal pain meds. The pain just exploded and so we went to the ER. They gave me a shot of morphine: nothing. Shot of hydromorphone: nothing. They gave me an IV and started shooting drugs into me with only a little improvement. At around 3 AM the admitted me. I was able to get some sleep and I was given a meth pill as a last resort for the pain (so now I've tried meth! It didn't do much...). In the morning the pain was still there, though more tolerable. I was given two different narcotics before I was stable enough to be sent home.

I've slept all day and have to continue on the heavy duty narcotics and meth.

The pain is from my crazy period and what is happening is my body is doing somewhat of the same thing that happens when you give birth. Thus, the horrible pain. So, last night could technically be compared to a long labor, only I still have lots of pain and no baby as a reward.

Health Update

Hi everyone,

I know it's been a VERY long time since I've written a health update. Again, not a lot has been going on. I've had some really good days and some really bad days. A few days ago I was in the ER for a pain episode. It started at 8 PM so I loaded up on the heavy drugs and prayed they'd kick in soon. Well, they didn't and it wasn't long before I was puking my guts out as well. I tried so hard to deal with things at home, but it got to the point where I was severely dehydrated, exhausted and still in pain after copious amounts of narcotics. We weren't getting anywhere and it hadn't been worth the hours of agony to try and do things at home so around midnight mom and I headed for the ER.

Then we had the normal problem of getting an IV in me, made so much worse by my dehydration. Some IV goddess eventually came in and made it look easy as pie. Still, one of the most painful IV experiences I've had. I'm sure there were some people down the hall scared out of their wits by my screaming. I got lots of morphine and nausea drugs, not to mention glorious IV fluids (thank you God for IV fluids!) I was feeling a little better. Well, I felt well enough to stand for an X-ray and memorize the Spanish word for pregnancy. I was not thrilled, however, to see my X-ray up on a screen where my chest was more visible than I would have liked it to be for the elderly male X-ray tech.

Anyway, it was weird because usually the pain drugs worked and this time they weren't. They even switched me to the super morphine stuff and even that didn't make a huge difference. The nausea med did help, however and I was finally able to drink some water. I was eventually sent home since my X-ray looked normal. At home I continued to medicate through the night and was still in a lot of pain. I was able to sleep, though and that was a huge plus.

I was still sleeping a lot and having extra pain through to Thanksgiving. However, on Friday I seemed to be doing better. I'm still not tip-top but I did manage to clean the rat cages myself and even do some Black Friday shopping, so I'm pretty proud of myself.

More ER Fun

Hello all,

Today started out okay. I thought myself well enough to brave our normal Sunday morning routine of going to Barnes and Noble. After awhile, though, I started to have pain which quickly turned into a horrible episode. We left right away and my sister dropped my mom and I off at the ER. I was spared a CT scan because I've had so many and the doctor didn't want to up my cancer risk by exposing me to more radiation. I got an X-ray instead and this time I was full of gas! Lovely. The doctor said my X-ray looked just like the ones they see for really colic-y babies. So, after two doses of morphine and a heafy dose of anti-nausea med I was ready to go home. I'm to take Gas-X and do the catnip tea thing.

And that was my day.

Becca

Health Updates

I've still been suffering from horrible pain, intestinal difficulties and throwing up. We called my doctor's office this morning and they advised us to go to the ER for more tests. So I suppose that is where we'll be going as soon as my mom gets home from work. I seem to just be getting worse with whatever is going on and I hope they can find a solution.

At the moment I'm not in so much pain, but that's due to two doses of narcotics, one of them being the super duper one. I'm going to put a few things in order here, drink a lot of water so my veins will stick out and then I'll be ready for whatever happens.

Many of have been asking about my readiness for a transplant.I am on the list and waiting. I'm not in good shape for a transplant, but I will of course be offered any organ that is right for me. It is up to the doctors to decide if I am able to endure the surgery and recovery at whatever time that organ should become available. Also, the transplant area of the hospital at UNMC works with people who need to be in the hospital up until transplant time by doing everything they can to get them in as good of shape as possible for transplant.

Unfortunately, my placement on the transplant list has nothing to do with how much pain I'm in or how many other troubles I'm having. It relies mostly of liver function numbers from blood tests. Mine usually aren't too bad, considering, so I have not been moved any higher.

I hope that answers some of your questions. I will try to keep you all as updated as possible but you can all feel free to call me, my mother or my sister for more current details on how I'm doing. I know some of you hear about me further down the grapevine in which case feel free to call your normal informer ;-)

<3 Becca

_____________________________


We did go to the ER (and I'm sorry I haven't gotten around to updating ya'll sooner) and a CT scan showed that I was full to bursting with stool. So I got a lovely hospital enema (they're crazy) and was sent on my way.

All the narcotics I've been having to take are making my constipated, thus the build up.

Even after being cleaned out I feel like crap and am still in the same amount of pain. I've been doing a lot of laxatives at home which, so far, haven't made much of a difference.

So that's where we are. We may be going to see my GI or regular family doctor for a follow-up exam.

Becca

Pain, ER, You Know The Drill

Latest health update email:

Friday morning: I have a bad pain episode and after lots of narcotics I'm able to at least lie down and be peaceful.

Saturday morning: Still having lots of pain, even with all the drugs.

Saturday evening: It's getting ridiculous and I'm about to snap from the ongoing pain so we go to the ER. Oh, yeah, and I have a migraine. Two x-rays and a CT scan later all that's been discovered is that my appendix is enlarged. We're told to watch closely for appendicitis and are sent home at 2 AM. The ER drugs were great, but I needed them every hour or so to stay on top of the pain. During the rest of the night at home I am constantly woken by more pain and spend a lot of time in the bathroom taking care of some serious constipation.

Sunday: Still in pain, though a tiny bit better.

Also, during this same weekend, three of our rats passed away: Francis, Bindi and Oreo. You three will be sorely missed!

On the bright side of things, my friend Amanda came over and cleaned all my rat cages and brought new hammocks, toys and boxes for all! Also, we got some beautiful mums that smell divine and mom got me my very first African Violet! I'm very excited about this.

Becca

There and Back Again

Yesterday I spent my morning and early afternoon in the ER because I had one of my episodes. They did a bunch of tests and gave me some pain med. The CT scan showed the my abscess has shrunk even more, which is great. However, since it's been shrinking to rapidly mom and I kind of wonder if it hasn't been leaking it's sickly fluid into my already sickly body...

The last week has been awful, there's no doubt about that. I've been sleeping for most of it, which always throws me off and makes me feel depressed. I dream what I would be doing if I were awake and that kind of screws things up, you know? Did I already relay this important piece of information or was that a dream? Did this really happen or did I just dream that? It ends up feeling like nothing got done.

I have to remind myself that I do get some things done. Why, today I organized my pills, folded laundry, took a bath and had my mom trim my hair (does that last one count as me doing something, though?). I think of what Rayne said in one of her blogs and what my mom has been telling me for years: Even when you are very sick and feel completely useless you can always do at least one thing. Being an avid list-maker and someone who prepares everything far in advance, "one thing" never seems good enough to me. Can't I add in just one more thing? Oh, and that other thing? I think to myself. No, my body replies, no, not today.

The I'm-S0-Tired-It-Feels-Like-Someone-Put-Sandbags-In-My-Organs feeling is back. I sit in my recliner and try to summon the energy to breathe. I try coloring in my coloring books or knitting, but eventually my tools fall out of my hands and I'm panting for breath. I try talking to Rayne online, but summoning the brain power to make an adequete reply or add an anecdote of my own soon becomes too much and I retreat to my bed saying, "I'm just gonna take a nap, I'll be back soon." I wake up four hours later.

I'm almost done putting 2007's Crunchy Bits blog entries in Word format and look what I stumbled across: "I have spent the last two weeks quite literally asleep. Not a good sleep either, a deep, drag you down, limbs weighing a million pounds each sleep. Weird dreams, some of them would make some pretty good novels. Especially the ones with the train."- From This Blog By Rayne

That there is exactly how I feel and what I'm experiencing! I do have some novel-worthy dreams and the only reason I ever wake up from my slumbers is because of duty. I feel I have to show my face to the world or else it will forget about me and do something really cool and I'll miss out on it all.

Last week I was passing on a message to a mutual rat friend for Rayne. "Why don't you just talk to her yourself?" I asked. "She's online."
"I'm too out of it," Rayne replied. "I'd be too embarrassed. You're used to me when I'm like this."
"But I don't think you sound out of it at all!" I exclaimed, although I went ahead and asked our friend about the rat food Rayne needed (although if you look at some of her rats I don't think they need anymore food...well, I'll keep my opinions to myself...)

The point is, I understand where Rayne was coming from now. Sure, it's easy to come off sounding like I'm sitting up in a desk chair, perky as ever, clicking away on my computer, but I can't keep up the charade for long. And it is kind of embarrassing because I want to be there, in the present, talking to my friends and paying them the best of attention, but I can't. I want to express the emotion that a certain comment requires but I just can't summon up more than zombie fluff.

I can't seem to make myself interested in anything. And again I am reminded of how I have stopped believing in time. How can I when I sleep and don't know when I'll wake up? And then my dreams are of what I've done and what I'm planning to do.

Sometimes, when I feel sick and am having trouble going to sleep I imagine that I'm someplace else. Lately, it's been Brambly Hedge for me. In my mind I design my own little home inside a tree. It's quiet there and my troubles and pains can't find me. There is nothing pressing or overly important to worry about and I am free to boil water in my little kettle and make tea from leaves I gathered in the woods. I sew pillows and quilts and knit gifts for all my friends. I write peaceful letters with blackberry ink. If I want, I can put on a pretty dress and a hat and go visit my neighbors, bringing along preserves and freshly picked flowers. I feel better just writing about it.

I made myself go sit outside today. Perpetually cold, I had to bring along my quilt, but it all worked out. I have a nice lawn chair so that I can lie back (I can only sit up for short periods of time). I set my humming IV pump in it's little purse beside me and breathed in the air. It smelled so good. I just couldn't get enough. I took a walk around to look at the plants in our garden. Only two kinds of flowers were in bloom, both of them white. I ran my hands along one of our trees and immediately felt relief and tenderness. I don't know what it is about me and trees, but it's like God is in them. Sometimes I feel as if I could stand there exploring their every branch and leaf forever.

I read a book while I was outside, but eventually I got too cold and tired and went in.

Today Mom went to Target and brought back Hello Kitty coloring books and bags for all. My sister started coloring in my Hello Kitty Coloring and Activivities Book (no, that's not a typo, that's seriously what it says on the book) while I was in the hospital last and, feeling guilty, expressed her desire to replace mine. Then she started coveting one of her own, so when Mom asked if there was anything she could get for us at Target that was my sister's request. My mom also got me a Barbie doll just because it had pink highlights like me. And she brought home lunch. I decided I should probably eat it since I hate leftovers, so I popped a Zofran and ate all but one bite of my all-beef hot dog. Ya'll should be proud of me...except it's the only thing I ate today with the exception of a strawberry Boost with my morning meds.

Poor Mom, she was all excited about this stuff she got and I had to say sorry, I'm gonna go take a nap.

This is officially the longest, most disjointed blog ever.