Drama Day

This morning I woke up a bitch. I went way too long without my antidepressant. My doctor told me to stop, but I knew that was going to crash and burn, which it did. I popped one after I realized I wanted the whole world to go to hell and leave me alone, which is not a normal thought for me. Anyway, I’m feeling a little better now.

I went to Unionaires, though of course I sat out since I have no voice. My friend Owen joined me. He still has a voice, but he’s got congestion that’s keeping him from singing very high and he’s a tenor. Esther was a bit ticked I hadn’t told her I was sick. “I would have brought you soup!” she exclaimed. Crap, why didn’t I tell her I was sick? She said her sister (who is, according to Esther, my long lost twin) lost her voice too. Very odd coincidence. The other coincidence of the day was that I told Tim I’d had a dream where I was going to have surgery and he had turned out to be my surgeon. Surprisingly, Tim responded by telling me if he wasn’t in music, he’d probably be studying to be a surgeon. I don’t think I’m psychic; I was just jacked up on nasal decongestants at the time.

But what’s going to keep me up tonight? Stupid boys. Trevor gave me this kind of raised-eyebrows smile today. My first thought was “Oh, crap.” That’s the kind of thing that has the most pathetic effect on me. I’m jumping up and down in my head thinking, “Someone of the male race noticed me!” It doesn’t help that I was madly in love with that certain male for a week. I mean, I’m over Trevor. Totally. I think. Owen talked to me and didn’t mentally jump up and down quite as much as when Trevor looked at me. ’Course, Owen’s taken. Later on I’m thinking, “Trevor is such a jerk. I mean, I tell him I like him. I ask him out. We talk online now and again, but only because I initiate the conversation. Surely he would deduce that I’m either lonely or I just really like him. You’d think that he would acknowledge that in some way, but he never does. Every time I see him he acts like I’m not there and the online contact is nil. But he must realize that I want to be his friend. So then he gives me this tiny bit of acknowledgement and I’m supposed to what? Smile back? If he really is ignorant of my presence it’s because he’s a selfish moron.” But I can beat against Trevor all I want; God knows I’d fly to him in the blink of an eye if given the chance. Slapping myself all the way, I might add.

On my way to my car after Unionaires I saw an accident. I don’t know what happened, but I saw an ambulance and people pulling someone (who looked conscious) from a car and putting him on a stretcher. As if that wasn’t enough for one day, my sister comes home telling me to turn on the radio because there’s been a shooting at the Von Maur in Omaha. We ended up looking it up online. Some random dude opened fire in Von Maur, killed someone and wounded others. Now the shooter was loose somewhere in the mall, which was being evacuated. Ginny kept up with the reports, filling me in while I washed dishes. It’s over now and the final count is 8 dead and others wounded. The guy who was shooting killed himself in the end.

So now this thing is national news, splashed across the front page of my email. These horrible things always happen in the most unexpected places. I mean, Von Maur? I shop there. I could have been me. My mom and I, we go to Omaha for my checkups at the Transplant center and sometimes we go do something fun afterwards. What if we had been there today? What if we had done what my mom and sister had done before and stopped at the Panera right outside that same Von Maur? We could have been killed. But, thank You God, we were here in Lincoln. We were safe. But it just goes to show, it could have been anyone.