...Where Am I Again?

So my sinus infection is coming back. I'm on new antibiotics for it, but so far they haven't been helping. I don't feel terribly awful, but I'm coughing a lot, my nose is running and my sleeping patterns are crazy. Yesterday I got a bad headache which could be attributed to one, all or any combination of the three following things:

1. the sinus infection (duh)
2. head banging
3. smoked-cheddar flavoured kettle corn (i should have known the stuff was toxic)

So I climbed in bed around 3 PM and woke up around 5:30 with my headache still intact only this time I was groggy and gross feeling, too. My stomach hurt and I didn't feel like eating anything except Chipotle (which I didn't get, so I ate a rice cake). I took some non-drowsy sudafed thinking it was early enough to risk it. Wrong. Went to "sleep" at 10 and just lay there in this sort of semi-conciousness until about 2 AM or so, when I got up, did some exercies (killer restless leg) and read X-Men. I woke up around 7:45 with a sore knee because apparently I didn't do enough exercises and I kept stretching my leg in my sleep. Anyways, I'm just chilling out this morning. I'll be productive soon, I promise.

I feel sort of nervous, though. Last night I kept thinking about prayer meeting. I'm going to my first prayer meeting in awhile (I skipped a few out of pure rebellion, others I was sick for or the roads were too icy). Prayer meeting is tonight and I said I'd be there. So, unless this sinus infection prevents me, I'm going. I'm nervous about going because of how different I look. You have to understand that the last time these people saw me, I had brown hair, wore skirts, and always had an amazing testimony to share. This time they're going to see black emo hair and jeans with me asking a lot of honest questions. I don't have a problem with the questions part, but I'm scared (I hate to admit it) that someone is going to confront me and be like, "What happened to you, Becca?"

Jeannie told me that if someone asked me that I should tell them that it's none of their business, it's between me and God. I hope that's what I'd say. I feel bad, though, because of the Teales. Their daughter Jenae and I are good friends, but now I feel like I'm the Christina to her Becca. I feel like I'm the older girl who can't seem to keep a grip on her Christianity and therefore can't be a proper role-model.

Her mom is going to freak out, I just know it. But then again, I have to remember another thing Jeannie said. She said I'm not being a bad Christian right now, I'm just growing in experince. I'm going out in the world to see if God means business. And I don't hate God. Quite the contrary. I think I'm learning to have a better relationship with Him through all this. I just have to remember that and hopefully people will see that I'm not a stray sheep and take my physical changes in stride. I really hope so. Okay, well, off to be productive! Kinda...