Hi all. So it's 1:57 AM, my Ambien is kicking in sooner than expected so, if I can manage to keep a semi-level head here, you may be entertained rather than scared out of your boots. It was about 1:20 when I noticed I was getting hyper. I wanted to be out of the bed, doing something. I just couldn't relax. So, I took a Lorezepam and, for good meansure, an Ambien. I was exhausted, but reading a book like Breaking Dawn before bed isn't a good way to soothe your way on to slumber. Shoulda stuck with L.M. Bostons books, like I'd planned...
Anywho, here I am and tomorrow I want my bed moved so I can move my reliner into a position that points out the windows. Nature, peoples, nature! We need the trees and the skyline! Else Becca will ball up in the recliner and get all wrinkly and no one will ever be able to distinguish between her and the much-loved, many-times-read paperbacks with which she surrounds herself. Maybe then some abstract artist with oil paints will come and and paint a demented picture of the scene and then all the world will regret placing Becca's recliner away from the window.
I was thinking I'd move the bed to burn off the 1 AM energy, but seeing as how I'm klutsier than a bull in a china shop when I'm on Ambien, I thought better of it. My vision goes all blurry.
I'm halfway through Breaking Dawn. I couldn't stop myself, of course. I'm a little dissapointed so far, but at the same time, at the edge of my seat and I can't stop reading. I finally put my bookmark down halfway through where we first see the half vampire baby! Grrr! Scary!
Okay, okay, here's my short story for the night:
Ullyses reluctantly followed his brother through the stone passages of the castle, festooned though they were for the festival.
"You're going to love this Ullyses. Wonder entertainment. Very thoughtprovoking as well."
I nodded my head more as a sign for him to keep walking than for him to continue on about the merits of whatever talent he was taking me to see next. We walked swiftly, never fearing a false step. Our feet could have been two inches off the ground.
"Here is is," Erik pronoucned, excited. Opening the wooden door they saw a women curtsy to them before lifting up her skirts and sitting down with a sigh on the chamber pot.
"Really, Erik," I said, "a urination? I had my fill of those when I was in Italy."
"But Ullyses, I thought you liked them!" by brother called after me. But to no avail, I was already half way down the flight of stairs.
This website is fun. You can make pretty color combinations. http://kuler.adobe.com/
Off you go then little dears and bunnies and birds! Shoo! Go read another blog!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Annabel and How Famous I Am
This is Annabel, the new rat. We adopted her from Capital City Rat Rescue as a friend for Cupcake, who's older companions weren't too keen on joining in her baby antics. Annabel is still very young, around 3 months old, and she's giving Cupcake a little taste of her own medicine. I think it's good for Cuppers. I think I've already introduced her, but with the way my mind is these days... Click on the picture to view the whole set.I told ya'll I'd show you a present I made for Rayne, so here it is. I've got another one waiting to be uploaded.
I also said I'd tell you how famous I am. Let's just say that everyone I know has told everyone they know about me and my "hard times", so everyday I hear about people who are praying for me, thinking of me, offering help (which I don't need much of, unless you want to clean rat cages). My sister says her teachers take her aside during class to ask about me. My mom is bombarded with more of the same at work. Staci (who runs Capital City Rat Rescue) says she tells all her friends and family about her "brave friend Becca" which I think is so totally sweet.
I feel like I don't deserve all of this attention. I mean, I'm ill, I'm cranky, I hardly ever smell or look good. I should think people would be running away from me making the sign of the cross. Plus, none of this is new to me. I mean, suffering through various maladies and beinging in and out of the hospital is sort of the norm for me. Granted, this is a really bad time, but it's nothing I haven't already been through before.
Today has been more of the same. I slept a lot, I was in pain, etc. etc. I sat outside for a bit, which was nice. Lil' Staci sat out there with me. She has now decided that the wild life is for her, but I insisted she is domestic through and through and put her back in her cage.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Insert A Cool Title Here
Last night I was up until past 4 AM. I got pretty darn close to having another pain episode, but thanks to multiple layers of narcotics, a heating pad and Catching-It-Early, I was okay. My mom had to go out to Walgreens at 2 AM and get me more pain pills. It was either than or another ER visit. So, all in all, I'm glad with how things turned out.
I've been kind of walking on eggshells all day because I know my body is ripe for another episode if I let it. Basically, I've been sleeping, reading and hugging my heating pad. I ate some stuff I didn't want to eat. I just ate it for the sake of eating. Why the hell do I do that? The Chex Mix is only going to make me feel worse, and yet a part of me knows that if I don't eat I'll starve or at least have to have a gastric tube put in, neither of which sound very pleasant. My doctors say I have "anorexia" and, even though they aren't referring to the mental disorder it still sounds bad. Hello, my name is Rebecca and I have anorexia.
Trust me, I would so be gorging myself at Village Inn if I could.
When I started writing this blog I for some reason thought it was going to longer and fun or at least meaningful, but I don't think that's going to happen.
Everyone send happy, healthy thoughts Rayne's way. She was sick(er) today. When I can get the stupid file to upload properly I'll show ya'll the present I made for her.
Remind me to tell ya'll how famous I am, too. I'm too tired right now.
I've been kind of walking on eggshells all day because I know my body is ripe for another episode if I let it. Basically, I've been sleeping, reading and hugging my heating pad. I ate some stuff I didn't want to eat. I just ate it for the sake of eating. Why the hell do I do that? The Chex Mix is only going to make me feel worse, and yet a part of me knows that if I don't eat I'll starve or at least have to have a gastric tube put in, neither of which sound very pleasant. My doctors say I have "anorexia" and, even though they aren't referring to the mental disorder it still sounds bad. Hello, my name is Rebecca and I have anorexia.
Trust me, I would so be gorging myself at Village Inn if I could.
When I started writing this blog I for some reason thought it was going to longer and fun or at least meaningful, but I don't think that's going to happen.
Everyone send happy, healthy thoughts Rayne's way. She was sick(er) today. When I can get the stupid file to upload properly I'll show ya'll the present I made for her.
Remind me to tell ya'll how famous I am, too. I'm too tired right now.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
There and Back Again
Yesterday I spent my morning and early afternoon in the ER because I had one of my episodes. They did a bunch of tests and gave me some pain med. The CT scan showed the my abscess has shrunk even more, which is great. However, since it's been shrinking to rapidly mom and I kind of wonder if it hasn't been leaking it's sickly fluid into my already sickly body...
The last week has been awful, there's no doubt about that. I've been sleeping for most of it, which always throws me off and makes me feel depressed. I dream what I would be doing if I were awake and that kind of screws things up, you know? Did I already relay this important piece of information or was that a dream? Did this really happen or did I just dream that? It ends up feeling like nothing got done.
I have to remind myself that I do get some things done. Why, today I organized my pills, folded laundry, took a bath and had my mom trim my hair (does that last one count as me doing something, though?). I think of what Rayne said in one of her blogs and what my mom has been telling me for years: Even when you are very sick and feel completely useless you can always do at least one thing. Being an avid list-maker and someone who prepares everything far in advance, "one thing" never seems good enough to me. Can't I add in just one more thing? Oh, and that other thing? I think to myself. No, my body replies, no, not today.
The I'm-S0-Tired-It-Feels-Like-Someone-Put-Sandbags-In-My-Organs feeling is back. I sit in my recliner and try to summon the energy to breathe. I try coloring in my coloring books or knitting, but eventually my tools fall out of my hands and I'm panting for breath. I try talking to Rayne online, but summoning the brain power to make an adequete reply or add an anecdote of my own soon becomes too much and I retreat to my bed saying, "I'm just gonna take a nap, I'll be back soon." I wake up four hours later.
I'm almost done putting 2007's Crunchy Bits blog entries in Word format and look what I stumbled across: "I have spent the last two weeks quite literally asleep. Not a good sleep either, a deep, drag you down, limbs weighing a million pounds each sleep. Weird dreams, some of them would make some pretty good novels. Especially the ones with the train."- From This Blog By Rayne
That there is exactly how I feel and what I'm experiencing! I do have some novel-worthy dreams and the only reason I ever wake up from my slumbers is because of duty. I feel I have to show my face to the world or else it will forget about me and do something really cool and I'll miss out on it all.
Last week I was passing on a message to a mutual rat friend for Rayne. "Why don't you just talk to her yourself?" I asked. "She's online."
"I'm too out of it," Rayne replied. "I'd be too embarrassed. You're used to me when I'm like this."
"But I don't think you sound out of it at all!" I exclaimed, although I went ahead and asked our friend about the rat food Rayne needed (although if you look at some of her rats I don't think they need anymore food...well, I'll keep my opinions to myself...)
The point is, I understand where Rayne was coming from now. Sure, it's easy to come off sounding like I'm sitting up in a desk chair, perky as ever, clicking away on my computer, but I can't keep up the charade for long. And it is kind of embarrassing because I want to be there, in the present, talking to my friends and paying them the best of attention, but I can't. I want to express the emotion that a certain comment requires but I just can't summon up more than zombie fluff.
I can't seem to make myself interested in anything. And again I am reminded of how I have stopped believing in time. How can I when I sleep and don't know when I'll wake up? And then my dreams are of what I've done and what I'm planning to do.
Sometimes, when I feel sick and am having trouble going to sleep I imagine that I'm someplace else. Lately, it's been Brambly Hedge for me. In my mind I design my own little home inside a tree. It's quiet there and my troubles and pains can't find me. There is nothing pressing or overly important to worry about and I am free to boil water in my little kettle and make tea from leaves I gathered in the woods. I sew pillows and quilts and knit gifts for all my friends. I write peaceful letters with blackberry ink. If I want, I can put on a pretty dress and a hat and go visit my neighbors, bringing along preserves and freshly picked flowers. I feel better just writing about it.
I made myself go sit outside today. Perpetually cold, I had to bring along my quilt, but it all worked out. I have a nice lawn chair so that I can lie back (I can only sit up for short periods of time). I set my humming IV pump in it's little purse beside me and breathed in the air. It smelled so good. I just couldn't get enough. I took a walk around to look at the plants in our garden. Only two kinds of flowers were in bloom, both of them white. I ran my hands along one of our trees and immediately felt relief and tenderness. I don't know what it is about me and trees, but it's like God is in them. Sometimes I feel as if I could stand there exploring their every branch and leaf forever.
I read a book while I was outside, but eventually I got too cold and tired and went in.
Today Mom went to Target and brought back Hello Kitty coloring books and bags for all. My sister started coloring in my Hello Kitty Coloring and Activivities Book (no, that's not a typo, that's seriously what it says on the book) while I was in the hospital last and, feeling guilty, expressed her desire to replace mine. Then she started coveting one of her own, so when Mom asked if there was anything she could get for us at Target that was my sister's request. My mom also got me a Barbie doll just because it had pink highlights like me. And she brought home lunch. I decided I should probably eat it since I hate leftovers, so I popped a Zofran and ate all but one bite of my all-beef hot dog. Ya'll should be proud of me...except it's the only thing I ate today with the exception of a strawberry Boost with my morning meds.
Poor Mom, she was all excited about this stuff she got and I had to say sorry, I'm gonna go take a nap.
This is officially the longest, most disjointed blog ever.
The last week has been awful, there's no doubt about that. I've been sleeping for most of it, which always throws me off and makes me feel depressed. I dream what I would be doing if I were awake and that kind of screws things up, you know? Did I already relay this important piece of information or was that a dream? Did this really happen or did I just dream that? It ends up feeling like nothing got done.
I have to remind myself that I do get some things done. Why, today I organized my pills, folded laundry, took a bath and had my mom trim my hair (does that last one count as me doing something, though?). I think of what Rayne said in one of her blogs and what my mom has been telling me for years: Even when you are very sick and feel completely useless you can always do at least one thing. Being an avid list-maker and someone who prepares everything far in advance, "one thing" never seems good enough to me. Can't I add in just one more thing? Oh, and that other thing? I think to myself. No, my body replies, no, not today.
The I'm-S0-Tired-It-Feels-Like-Someone-Put-Sandbags-In-My-Organs feeling is back. I sit in my recliner and try to summon the energy to breathe. I try coloring in my coloring books or knitting, but eventually my tools fall out of my hands and I'm panting for breath. I try talking to Rayne online, but summoning the brain power to make an adequete reply or add an anecdote of my own soon becomes too much and I retreat to my bed saying, "I'm just gonna take a nap, I'll be back soon." I wake up four hours later.
I'm almost done putting 2007's Crunchy Bits blog entries in Word format and look what I stumbled across: "I have spent the last two weeks quite literally asleep. Not a good sleep either, a deep, drag you down, limbs weighing a million pounds each sleep. Weird dreams, some of them would make some pretty good novels. Especially the ones with the train."- From This Blog By Rayne
That there is exactly how I feel and what I'm experiencing! I do have some novel-worthy dreams and the only reason I ever wake up from my slumbers is because of duty. I feel I have to show my face to the world or else it will forget about me and do something really cool and I'll miss out on it all.
Last week I was passing on a message to a mutual rat friend for Rayne. "Why don't you just talk to her yourself?" I asked. "She's online."
"I'm too out of it," Rayne replied. "I'd be too embarrassed. You're used to me when I'm like this."
"But I don't think you sound out of it at all!" I exclaimed, although I went ahead and asked our friend about the rat food Rayne needed (although if you look at some of her rats I don't think they need anymore food...well, I'll keep my opinions to myself...)
The point is, I understand where Rayne was coming from now. Sure, it's easy to come off sounding like I'm sitting up in a desk chair, perky as ever, clicking away on my computer, but I can't keep up the charade for long. And it is kind of embarrassing because I want to be there, in the present, talking to my friends and paying them the best of attention, but I can't. I want to express the emotion that a certain comment requires but I just can't summon up more than zombie fluff.
I can't seem to make myself interested in anything. And again I am reminded of how I have stopped believing in time. How can I when I sleep and don't know when I'll wake up? And then my dreams are of what I've done and what I'm planning to do.
Sometimes, when I feel sick and am having trouble going to sleep I imagine that I'm someplace else. Lately, it's been Brambly Hedge for me. In my mind I design my own little home inside a tree. It's quiet there and my troubles and pains can't find me. There is nothing pressing or overly important to worry about and I am free to boil water in my little kettle and make tea from leaves I gathered in the woods. I sew pillows and quilts and knit gifts for all my friends. I write peaceful letters with blackberry ink. If I want, I can put on a pretty dress and a hat and go visit my neighbors, bringing along preserves and freshly picked flowers. I feel better just writing about it.
I made myself go sit outside today. Perpetually cold, I had to bring along my quilt, but it all worked out. I have a nice lawn chair so that I can lie back (I can only sit up for short periods of time). I set my humming IV pump in it's little purse beside me and breathed in the air. It smelled so good. I just couldn't get enough. I took a walk around to look at the plants in our garden. Only two kinds of flowers were in bloom, both of them white. I ran my hands along one of our trees and immediately felt relief and tenderness. I don't know what it is about me and trees, but it's like God is in them. Sometimes I feel as if I could stand there exploring their every branch and leaf forever.
I read a book while I was outside, but eventually I got too cold and tired and went in.
Today Mom went to Target and brought back Hello Kitty coloring books and bags for all. My sister started coloring in my Hello Kitty Coloring and Activivities Book (no, that's not a typo, that's seriously what it says on the book) while I was in the hospital last and, feeling guilty, expressed her desire to replace mine. Then she started coveting one of her own, so when Mom asked if there was anything she could get for us at Target that was my sister's request. My mom also got me a Barbie doll just because it had pink highlights like me. And she brought home lunch. I decided I should probably eat it since I hate leftovers, so I popped a Zofran and ate all but one bite of my all-beef hot dog. Ya'll should be proud of me...except it's the only thing I ate today with the exception of a strawberry Boost with my morning meds.
Poor Mom, she was all excited about this stuff she got and I had to say sorry, I'm gonna go take a nap.
This is officially the longest, most disjointed blog ever.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Projects, Family And A Health Update
I nearly died yesterday getting through my appointments. I could hardly stay upright, I had horrible abdominal cramps, I couldn't stay awake and I was freezing cold. Not to mention I was feeling very irritable. The good news is that the abscess has shrunk a couple inches! Let's hope it keeps on shrinking. I'll get another CT in two weeks and I'll continue with my IV antibiotics.
I've been pretty sick these last few days and have been sleeping almost constantly. Waking up ever 7.5 hours to administer antibiotics was really wearing me down as well. So...I now have a spiffy new pump that goes in a cool bag with lots of pockets. This pump allows me to change out the antibiotic only once a day. Huzzah for sweet convinience!
Last night I had a horrible restless leg episode. My mom did everything but nothing worked. I cried the whole time because I was so tired and I just wanted to sleep but my legs wouldn't let me. We're going to get some more serious doctor help with this now. I mean, I was begging to go to the ER so that maybe I could get some anticonvulsants. Ugh, it was awful.
Today I'm feeling a lot better. Still sleepy, but it's not unbearable. I've got a little more energy and I don't have a lot of pain. So, I tidied my room and made an actual list of things to do. Some of my projects right now are:
Knitting Rayne some birthday presents and gathering other non-knitted gifts.
Knitting some socks.
Trying to send some thank you cards.
Painting by numbers
Making a birthday card for my friend Gina, who is having a birthday tea time tomorrow.
Turning most of Crunchy Bits into a printable word document.
Teaching Annabel, the new rat, that biting (no matter how light and harmless) is frowned upon.
Finishing Inkspell (For some reason that book is starting to frustrate me. I just want it to be over so I can move on.)
Summoning up the inspiration to get on with writing The Master Painter.
Getting my hair re-dyed.
My little sister Ginny went back to school yesterday. She is now officially a senior. The mail never lets us forget this, supplying us anew each day with pamphlets and letters from various colleges. She doesn't know where she wants to go yet, she just knows she wants to leave the state. Right now it sounds like she wants to go on studying theatre. I know she'll continue with cello, photography and art as well. Whatever she does, I know she'll be amazing at it, just like always.
Mom is taking care of me, of course. She's also getting ready for the new school year, though. She's one of the accompanists at Nebraska Wesleyan University in the music department. This year she's cutting back and how much she takes on and she's not doing anything vitally important because you just don't know what she'll have to drop everything and stay with me at the hospital or something like that. Or if a liver becomes available, of course.
So that's my blog today. Written while dizzy and on drugs, but (I hope) a happier blog than the previous. Now I shall eat some toast.
I've been pretty sick these last few days and have been sleeping almost constantly. Waking up ever 7.5 hours to administer antibiotics was really wearing me down as well. So...I now have a spiffy new pump that goes in a cool bag with lots of pockets. This pump allows me to change out the antibiotic only once a day. Huzzah for sweet convinience!
Last night I had a horrible restless leg episode. My mom did everything but nothing worked. I cried the whole time because I was so tired and I just wanted to sleep but my legs wouldn't let me. We're going to get some more serious doctor help with this now. I mean, I was begging to go to the ER so that maybe I could get some anticonvulsants. Ugh, it was awful.
Today I'm feeling a lot better. Still sleepy, but it's not unbearable. I've got a little more energy and I don't have a lot of pain. So, I tidied my room and made an actual list of things to do. Some of my projects right now are:
Knitting Rayne some birthday presents and gathering other non-knitted gifts.
Knitting some socks.
Trying to send some thank you cards.
Painting by numbers
Making a birthday card for my friend Gina, who is having a birthday tea time tomorrow.
Turning most of Crunchy Bits into a printable word document.
Teaching Annabel, the new rat, that biting (no matter how light and harmless) is frowned upon.
Finishing Inkspell (For some reason that book is starting to frustrate me. I just want it to be over so I can move on.)
Summoning up the inspiration to get on with writing The Master Painter.
Getting my hair re-dyed.
My little sister Ginny went back to school yesterday. She is now officially a senior. The mail never lets us forget this, supplying us anew each day with pamphlets and letters from various colleges. She doesn't know where she wants to go yet, she just knows she wants to leave the state. Right now it sounds like she wants to go on studying theatre. I know she'll continue with cello, photography and art as well. Whatever she does, I know she'll be amazing at it, just like always.
Mom is taking care of me, of course. She's also getting ready for the new school year, though. She's one of the accompanists at Nebraska Wesleyan University in the music department. This year she's cutting back and how much she takes on and she's not doing anything vitally important because you just don't know what she'll have to drop everything and stay with me at the hospital or something like that. Or if a liver becomes available, of course.
So that's my blog today. Written while dizzy and on drugs, but (I hope) a happier blog than the previous. Now I shall eat some toast.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Remember the 3 AM Club? or Slave to the Drugs
Rayne wrote a blog last month about being awake at 3 AM. Well, here I am and it's 2:40 AM. Close enough, right? So now I will bore you with my story of how I ended up here on Blogger at this ungodly hour. Warning! Selfish, whiney rant to follow! Proceed at your own risk!
I went to bed early because I was tired and just didn't feel well. At midnight my alarm sounded and I had to get up and get my antibiotic out of the refrigerator. I was loathe to move from my bed at first because of how much my stomach hurt. Drugs were only a hands reach away, but in order to identify which pill to take I needed to turn on the light. Groaning, I did so and popped a Phenergan before fetching my antibiotic syringe and tubing from the fridge. Then I realized my migraine had returned, so I popped an Imitrex, too.
I waited about fifteen minutes instead of half an hour before starting the antibiotic. I just wanted to go back to bed. But of course, the minute I lie down I can't get comfortable, my body heat keeps changing and I can't seem to keep my eyes closed even though I feel like I want nothing more than to shut them. So much for that. Half an hour later, the antibiotic finished, I pop a Lorezapam because I just can't relax. So far, I know that all of these medications can be taken together safely, but I'm still a little skeptical. But really, what choice to I have? I mean, I guess I could lay around in misery and boredom until I'm weeping, exhausted. I'll take my chance with the drugs.
I read a book and make frequent trips to the restroom (that's what I get for eating half a meal. And they want me to gain weight...ha!) while I wait for the Lorezepam to take effect. No such luck. I consider taking an Ambien, but it's much too late for that if I'm going to wake up early and go get my blood drawn and see the doctor. Besides, Ambien and Phenergan are not supposed to go together. At least, that's what Rayne says. And she's right. Last time I took them together I had horrible hallucinatory (is that a word?) dreams.
At long last I decided to turn my computer back on and maybe get a little work done, or play a game. It's going to be hell again tomorrow so I might as well enjoy myself a little while I can, right? I mean, I have to get up in five hours to give myself my next dose of antibiotics and there won't be time for any migraines or stomach aches. Nope, I gotta go straight to the hospital and be a good patient, no matter how sick or sleep deprived I am.
You'd think seeing the doctor would help you on your way to recovery, but that's wrong. So is the assumption that IV antibiotics will help. Well, I suppose if you have a nurse who gives them to you then that's fine, but I can't have any more than 7.5 hours of peace at a time because of this blasted medicine. It's starting to wear me down. A teeny tiny part of me almost hopes I have to get surgery because then maybe I could sleep for a full ten hours! Geeze. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but you get my point.
The rats enjoy having me up anyway. What would I do without their eager, furry little faces when all else seems dark and sickly?
I think this entry goes in the notebook Rayne gave me for selfish rants.
Is anyone else up?
I went to bed early because I was tired and just didn't feel well. At midnight my alarm sounded and I had to get up and get my antibiotic out of the refrigerator. I was loathe to move from my bed at first because of how much my stomach hurt. Drugs were only a hands reach away, but in order to identify which pill to take I needed to turn on the light. Groaning, I did so and popped a Phenergan before fetching my antibiotic syringe and tubing from the fridge. Then I realized my migraine had returned, so I popped an Imitrex, too.
I waited about fifteen minutes instead of half an hour before starting the antibiotic. I just wanted to go back to bed. But of course, the minute I lie down I can't get comfortable, my body heat keeps changing and I can't seem to keep my eyes closed even though I feel like I want nothing more than to shut them. So much for that. Half an hour later, the antibiotic finished, I pop a Lorezapam because I just can't relax. So far, I know that all of these medications can be taken together safely, but I'm still a little skeptical. But really, what choice to I have? I mean, I guess I could lay around in misery and boredom until I'm weeping, exhausted. I'll take my chance with the drugs.
I read a book and make frequent trips to the restroom (that's what I get for eating half a meal. And they want me to gain weight...ha!) while I wait for the Lorezepam to take effect. No such luck. I consider taking an Ambien, but it's much too late for that if I'm going to wake up early and go get my blood drawn and see the doctor. Besides, Ambien and Phenergan are not supposed to go together. At least, that's what Rayne says. And she's right. Last time I took them together I had horrible hallucinatory (is that a word?) dreams.
At long last I decided to turn my computer back on and maybe get a little work done, or play a game. It's going to be hell again tomorrow so I might as well enjoy myself a little while I can, right? I mean, I have to get up in five hours to give myself my next dose of antibiotics and there won't be time for any migraines or stomach aches. Nope, I gotta go straight to the hospital and be a good patient, no matter how sick or sleep deprived I am.
You'd think seeing the doctor would help you on your way to recovery, but that's wrong. So is the assumption that IV antibiotics will help. Well, I suppose if you have a nurse who gives them to you then that's fine, but I can't have any more than 7.5 hours of peace at a time because of this blasted medicine. It's starting to wear me down. A teeny tiny part of me almost hopes I have to get surgery because then maybe I could sleep for a full ten hours! Geeze. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but you get my point.
The rats enjoy having me up anyway. What would I do without their eager, furry little faces when all else seems dark and sickly?
I think this entry goes in the notebook Rayne gave me for selfish rants.
Is anyone else up?
Monday, August 18, 2008
New Blogs
I eventually would like to get most of my old journals out up here. I probably only have half of all the journals I've ever written in my life actually typed out. It's a big project because I wrote in different notebooks and so, if I can't find one then I only have a few pieces of that time period to work with.
So, with that said, I've put up journals from 1999, 2003, and 2004. Other new blogs:
January 1st, 2006
January 5th, 2006
January 2nd, 2007
January 3rd, 2007
January 12th, 2007
January 14th, 2007
A note on 2003: I became a Christian. A really weird Christian. Please don't be freaked out. I was young, that's all I can say. I also had some pretty bad depression going on mainly due to a very large dose of Prednisone I was on. It makes me fat and very emotional. So, yeah, be nice and not judgemental.
So, with that said, I've put up journals from 1999, 2003, and 2004. Other new blogs:
January 1st, 2006
January 5th, 2006
January 2nd, 2007
January 3rd, 2007
January 12th, 2007
January 14th, 2007
A note on 2003: I became a Christian. A really weird Christian. Please don't be freaked out. I was young, that's all I can say. I also had some pretty bad depression going on mainly due to a very large dose of Prednisone I was on. It makes me fat and very emotional. So, yeah, be nice and not judgemental.
Cue Flyleaf's Number One Hit
Okay, I guess most of my readers (here on Blogger anyway) are middle aged men and woman and they probably have no idea who Flyleaf is. Flyleaf is a band. Flyleaf is a really cool band and I like them very much. Sometimes, when I'm really not feeling well, their number one hit, "I'm So Sick" starts going through my head (much like "Everything Comes Down To Poo" from Scrubs goes through my head at the hospital a lot). Would anyone care to enlightened? Because I'm happy to post a music video for you.
Anyway, what I mean to say is, I'm so sick. Today has not been a good day. Yesterday wasn't all that great either, but yesterday didn't have me moaning like a baby. You know how when you have a really bad cold you feel like you have no choice but to moan to everyone you meet as if that will make it better? That's what I feel like today. Thank God for poor Rayne, huh? If she wasn't online to listen to me moan then my only other option would be to moan even more to you poor people in blogosphere or to moan to my Mom who has a cold right now and that's just wrong. You don't moan to someone who possibly feels as bad as you do. Unless it's a bonding thing, like where Rayne and I might talk about how each of us wants to eat breakfast but we're too nauseous.
There goes to alarm for me to take my antibiotic out of the refrigerator. We are allowed to let it sit for awhile so I don't get chill veins. Brr, I hate that. Either this antibiotics side effects are making me feel worse or I actually am worse and the antibiotic is not doing its job. If the latter is true then I'm off to Omaha for surgery. That's pretty much the last thing I want to do with my life right now. All I can say is they had better give me a private room. I will not, I repeat, will not go through the Andrea thing again. It's just not worth it.
In other news, we have a new rat! Her name is Annabel and we got her to be a younger playmate for Cupcake. They of course got on famously and Annabel has now joined the young group: Daisy, Lil' Staci and Cupcake. Cuppers is getting a nice taste of her own medicine having this younger rat around. Now someone is waking her up by jumping up and down on top of her.
I don't have any pictures taken yet, but you can see Annabel's old Petfinder profile here.
Well, I'm going to take some more narcotics and start getting ready to hook myself up to the IV pump. Maybe I'll think of something more cheerful to blog about and come back later.
Anyway, what I mean to say is, I'm so sick. Today has not been a good day. Yesterday wasn't all that great either, but yesterday didn't have me moaning like a baby. You know how when you have a really bad cold you feel like you have no choice but to moan to everyone you meet as if that will make it better? That's what I feel like today. Thank God for poor Rayne, huh? If she wasn't online to listen to me moan then my only other option would be to moan even more to you poor people in blogosphere or to moan to my Mom who has a cold right now and that's just wrong. You don't moan to someone who possibly feels as bad as you do. Unless it's a bonding thing, like where Rayne and I might talk about how each of us wants to eat breakfast but we're too nauseous.
There goes to alarm for me to take my antibiotic out of the refrigerator. We are allowed to let it sit for awhile so I don't get chill veins. Brr, I hate that. Either this antibiotics side effects are making me feel worse or I actually am worse and the antibiotic is not doing its job. If the latter is true then I'm off to Omaha for surgery. That's pretty much the last thing I want to do with my life right now. All I can say is they had better give me a private room. I will not, I repeat, will not go through the Andrea thing again. It's just not worth it.
In other news, we have a new rat! Her name is Annabel and we got her to be a younger playmate for Cupcake. They of course got on famously and Annabel has now joined the young group: Daisy, Lil' Staci and Cupcake. Cuppers is getting a nice taste of her own medicine having this younger rat around. Now someone is waking her up by jumping up and down on top of her.
I don't have any pictures taken yet, but you can see Annabel's old Petfinder profile here.
Well, I'm going to take some more narcotics and start getting ready to hook myself up to the IV pump. Maybe I'll think of something more cheerful to blog about and come back later.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Flickr Disappointed Me
I'm not paying to put my photos online. I'm sorry, I'm just not. So, as a free user, Flickr only gives me three albums. How am I supposed to function with that?! So, I'm back over at Photobucket now. Sure, it's not as aesthetically pleasing, but it gives me codes for the photos, cool editing options and as many albums as my heart desires. So there, Flickr.
Check it all out at http://s152.photobucket.com/albums/s182/cozyrat/
Albums are listed on the left.
**I just want to clarify that I will continue to use my Flickr account for some things and I do have some photos up there (Sister's photo shoot and old hospital pictures) that are not up on Photobucket.**
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Home Again, Home Again
I'm home!!
After many failed (and painful tries) I had to go down to radiology to get my PICC line put in. I officially have the worst veins in the world. Even in radiology, with all their expertise and technology, it took the doctor quite a few tries to get there. I was wimp about it, I'll admit. Cried the whole time. But, now I have a new spiffy PICC line (in fun colors, not to mention) from which I can get blood drawn, recieve antibiotics and even get dye for CT scans. It does everything an IV does, only it lasts up to a month and I can come home with it. Tonight, someone from this home health care place is coming over to show us how to give the antibiotics. I've had to do this routine before with past PICC lines, so it should be a piece of cake.
Next Thursday I got back to see the infectious disease doctor and get another CT scan. Then we'll be able to see if the abcess is responding to the antibiotics. Today's CT showed no difference in the abcess. If the abcess appears to be improving next week, then we'll continue with them; if not, they'll probaby have to go in surgically to remove it and see what kind of infection it is. See, the problem is, since we can't drain the abcess, we have no idea what kind of fluid is in there, so the doctor is just treating me with a vert broad spectrum antibiotic that covers all the infections that are common to get at hospitals.
I also got my beeper today. This is the beeper that tells me what number to call when there's a liver available for me. Of course, right now I'm on hold since I have an infection, but everyone on the list has to carry one.
I think that's it.
Becca
After many failed (and painful tries) I had to go down to radiology to get my PICC line put in. I officially have the worst veins in the world. Even in radiology, with all their expertise and technology, it took the doctor quite a few tries to get there. I was wimp about it, I'll admit. Cried the whole time. But, now I have a new spiffy PICC line (in fun colors, not to mention) from which I can get blood drawn, recieve antibiotics and even get dye for CT scans. It does everything an IV does, only it lasts up to a month and I can come home with it. Tonight, someone from this home health care place is coming over to show us how to give the antibiotics. I've had to do this routine before with past PICC lines, so it should be a piece of cake.
Next Thursday I got back to see the infectious disease doctor and get another CT scan. Then we'll be able to see if the abcess is responding to the antibiotics. Today's CT showed no difference in the abcess. If the abcess appears to be improving next week, then we'll continue with them; if not, they'll probaby have to go in surgically to remove it and see what kind of infection it is. See, the problem is, since we can't drain the abcess, we have no idea what kind of fluid is in there, so the doctor is just treating me with a vert broad spectrum antibiotic that covers all the infections that are common to get at hospitals.
I also got my beeper today. This is the beeper that tells me what number to call when there's a liver available for me. Of course, right now I'm on hold since I have an infection, but everyone on the list has to carry one.
I think that's it.
Becca
A Visual Hospital Experience
I took some photos. Enjoy. There may be more coming up, so keep checking back. Oh yeah, just click the picture for the full set.Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Day 2 In The Hospital
Here it is, my second day in the hospital.
- I got to take a lovely bath, which felt so good on my poor body.
- My mom finally got her cords right so now my laptop is charged up. This means I can surf the web and pester Rayne on MSN.
- The "magazine cart" came around and I got a paint by numbers kit, some copper etching paper with an etching tool, a kit to make some sort of embroidered thing, a teen magazine and an Oprah magazine for mom.
- Mom brought me a huge, beauftiful dragonfly ballon.
- I turned up my nose at the hospital food except for some oatmeal and some green beans.
- Rayne wrote a blog about me. :D
- I've seen three doctors and I'm waiting for the fourth to come in. I really hope it's my imagination, but no one has seemed very optimistic about the antibiotic route of treatment. If the antibiotics do end up working, they could take up to month, in which case I would get a PICC line, give myself the antibiotics at home, at come to the hospital for CT scans to check on the abcess.
- Kathy came to visit me anf brought flowers and a Good Mousekeeping magazine (a parody for cats).
- Mom and I walked down to the gift shop and she bought me a cool spider ring and showed me the black cat statues they had out for the Halloween display. I miss Velvet...
- I drank part of a Shirley Temple and it made me sick.
- I woke up at 6:30 and watched the sunrise. Then I watched baby delivery shows on Discovery Health.
- By the way, my abcess is the size of a tennis ball.
Thank you everyone for the awesome comments on my blog. Please do comment more! I never get comments!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Back in the Hospital
Hi Everyone,
Well, I'm back in the hospital today. Saw my gyno today and she ordered at CT and the Ct showed....a lovely abcess behind my uterus. Joy. The usual course of action would be to stick a needle in me and drain it, but since I tend to bleed and get infections whenever I have any type of surgery, no matter how minor, we're trying antibiotics first. So, I'll be in the hospital for a couple days and then the CT will be repeated.
The first round of antibiotics is in me now with no horrible reactions, so that's good.
Now we just have to decorate my room again!
Becca
Well, I'm back in the hospital today. Saw my gyno today and she ordered at CT and the Ct showed....a lovely abcess behind my uterus. Joy. The usual course of action would be to stick a needle in me and drain it, but since I tend to bleed and get infections whenever I have any type of surgery, no matter how minor, we're trying antibiotics first. So, I'll be in the hospital for a couple days and then the CT will be repeated.
The first round of antibiotics is in me now with no horrible reactions, so that's good.
Now we just have to decorate my room again!
Becca
Monday, August 11, 2008
The Notebook(s)
Has anyone noticed that the Chinese have taken over YouTube? I guess it's just another place for them to download pirated television shows.
These are the notebooks Rayne got me. I decorated the covers.
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Rayne wrote a note inside each one..jpg)
Here's one of the games. Rayne wrote "Peas" and I wrote the other things. Obviously, it's not done yet.
This is my rat Francis (it's spelled like a boys name, but she's a girl) and she's standing on the afghan Rayne crocheted for me. 
Sorry it's kind of blurry, and I guess you can't see much of the afghan. I'll get better pics later.
These are the notebooks Rayne got me. I decorated the covers.Rayne wrote a note inside each one.Here's one of the games. Rayne wrote "Peas" and I wrote the other things. Obviously, it's not done yet.Drug Dilemma
The last 4 days have been pretty painful ones. I've been trying to cut down on the narcotics without the using Tylenol as a crutch because, frankly, Tylenol does nothing for me. I may as well be taking sugar pills for all I can tell. Plus, one less drug in my body is always a-ok with me. I am requiring the same amount of pain meds now as I was when I was taken out of the hospital. There has been no improvement pain-wise except for a couple good mornings (which invariably turned into bad afternoons). However, the narcotics are slowing down things in my bowels and we need to get that stuff going. We especially don't want there to be another obstruction. So the doctors are hoping that, if they lower my amount of narcotics then things start moving in my tummy and then I start to feel better. Granted, I should be trying to eat some normal food during this time and get a little exercise to help things along.
So, being the good patient that I am, I've been cutting down on the narcotics. Unfortunately things have been really painful lately. I feel like I just had surgery or something. So my way of coping with the pain now is to lie dow in the recliner or bed and not move. And maybe use my heating pad sometimes. The pain also ensures that my meager appetite is swept away. So much for diet and exercise...
As for sleep...well, without the copious amount of narcotics in my system that ensure I can sleep whenever I want to, I've been forced to start using my Ambien again.
I'm also on this new antibiotic for my UTI. It makes me very, very nauseous so now I'm basically eating nothing. I mean, even when I was in the hospital I could at least finish a can of Boost. Not anymore. I have half a can of that stuff nowadays and I feel like I just came out of an all-you-can-eat buffet. So, now I'm turning to my heavy duty nausea medication.
So, as you can see we have something of a dilemma here. And after spending half of last night on the toilet I've come to the conclusion that my bowel obstruction may have come back. My doctor had offered to do another CT scan last time I saw her, but at the time we didn't really feel it was necessary. Now I want the CT scan. My mom is going to call some doctors today because we really need to get some medication routine that works going on here. I just hope I don't have to go back to the hospital and/or have more surgery.
In other news, the rats and cats are doing a very good job of taking care of me. Velvet has learned very well that she is now allowed to touch or walk on my stomach. I also successfully saved my computer from a horrible, horrible virus yesterday. All I can say is thank You God for System Restore and the fact that I back up everything. Okay, okay, my dad helped me conquer the evil virus a little.
Becca
So, being the good patient that I am, I've been cutting down on the narcotics. Unfortunately things have been really painful lately. I feel like I just had surgery or something. So my way of coping with the pain now is to lie dow in the recliner or bed and not move. And maybe use my heating pad sometimes. The pain also ensures that my meager appetite is swept away. So much for diet and exercise...
As for sleep...well, without the copious amount of narcotics in my system that ensure I can sleep whenever I want to, I've been forced to start using my Ambien again.
I'm also on this new antibiotic for my UTI. It makes me very, very nauseous so now I'm basically eating nothing. I mean, even when I was in the hospital I could at least finish a can of Boost. Not anymore. I have half a can of that stuff nowadays and I feel like I just came out of an all-you-can-eat buffet. So, now I'm turning to my heavy duty nausea medication.
So, as you can see we have something of a dilemma here. And after spending half of last night on the toilet I've come to the conclusion that my bowel obstruction may have come back. My doctor had offered to do another CT scan last time I saw her, but at the time we didn't really feel it was necessary. Now I want the CT scan. My mom is going to call some doctors today because we really need to get some medication routine that works going on here. I just hope I don't have to go back to the hospital and/or have more surgery.
In other news, the rats and cats are doing a very good job of taking care of me. Velvet has learned very well that she is now allowed to touch or walk on my stomach. I also successfully saved my computer from a horrible, horrible virus yesterday. All I can say is thank You God for System Restore and the fact that I back up everything. Okay, okay, my dad helped me conquer the evil virus a little.
Becca
Friday, August 8, 2008
A Real Blog
Hi everyone,
This is a balloon my mom got me that says Peas Get Well Soon. I love it because 1) it's cute and 2) I love peas!
My friends got me this balloon since I was in the women's post partum wing of the hospital. I actually had a couple nurses who thought it was real (even though they'd read my chart).
At the hospital in Omaha, my mom drew a couple of ratties on my white board. When Rayne and her family came to visit Katy drew her own rattie for me (Katy's is the furthest to the left).
People brought me all sorts of awesome presents like cool air fresheners, evian skin spray, flowers, a plastic frog that turns into a prince when you put him in the water, stickers, art supplies, paper products and a Hello Kitty coloring book that says, "Activivity Book". Thank you, Japan.
Rayne brought me the beautiful afgahn she made me and it now goes with me pretty much everywhere. I must take a a picture of it to share. She also gave me two notebooks: one is for aimless rants and doodles and the other she and her daughters filled with simple, colorful games (like connect the dots, but with no numbers and doctor voodoo). And of course there were markers and cool, twist-up colored pencils to go with it.
I got a chance to write in my aimless, immature rants book right away. I've mentioned before how I had a horrible roommate in Omaha and I'd like to tell you a little more about her. I wrote the following essay for your reading pleasure:
Andrea
Redneck extraordinaire
By Becca
When my bed was wheeled into my new room at UNMC (University of Nebraska Medical Center) I was drugged, half-asleep and all I could really see was the ceiling. Still, it was obvious that this was a two-bed hospital room and I was indeed sharing it with someone.
I think I'm finally back in the blogging groove. I was feeling too sick to do any blogging before and then, even though I was still sick, I had no interest. Now, I'm still sick, but I'm inspired. I thought I'd start out with a few pics from my hospital visits. My mom made all sorts of cool paper crafts and decorated my rooms beautifully, but sadly I never got any pictures of all that. I got lots and lots of balloons. One of my favorites is a clear balloon with seaweed painted on it and inside is another balloon of some fishes. One of my friends even got me some fake ivy to put on my IV pole (get it? Ivy on the IV).
I also wish I had gotten a picture of the beautiful shower rooms at the local hospital, Bryan East. They were about at big as my room (about 12 ft x 12 ft) and were beautifully decorated with cushy chairs and bath products. The shower was just some walls around the floor so you didn't have to step over anything to get in. The shower head was one of those cool ones that comes off and is like a sprayer. Needless to say, I took advantage of these facilities.
Okay, on to pictures (click photos to see them on Flickr):
This is a balloon my mom got me that says Peas Get Well Soon. I love it because 1) it's cute and 2) I love peas!My friends got me this balloon since I was in the women's post partum wing of the hospital. I actually had a couple nurses who thought it was real (even though they'd read my chart).At the hospital in Omaha, my mom drew a couple of ratties on my white board. When Rayne and her family came to visit Katy drew her own rattie for me (Katy's is the furthest to the left).
People brought me all sorts of awesome presents like cool air fresheners, evian skin spray, flowers, a plastic frog that turns into a prince when you put him in the water, stickers, art supplies, paper products and a Hello Kitty coloring book that says, "Activivity Book". Thank you, Japan.
Rayne brought me the beautiful afgahn she made me and it now goes with me pretty much everywhere. I must take a a picture of it to share. She also gave me two notebooks: one is for aimless rants and doodles and the other she and her daughters filled with simple, colorful games (like connect the dots, but with no numbers and doctor voodoo). And of course there were markers and cool, twist-up colored pencils to go with it.
I got a chance to write in my aimless, immature rants book right away. I've mentioned before how I had a horrible roommate in Omaha and I'd like to tell you a little more about her. I wrote the following essay for your reading pleasure:
Andrea
Redneck extraordinaire
By Becca
When my bed was wheeled into my new room at UNMC (University of Nebraska Medical Center) I was drugged, half-asleep and all I could really see was the ceiling. Still, it was obvious that this was a two-bed hospital room and I was indeed sharing it with someone.
Once I was settled in my bed I could hear voices coming from the other side of the curtain that divided the two beds. It sounded like some minor procedure was going on, like a port replacement or something like that. My mom asked to speak with the doctor (a young woman who looked to be about 5 years older than me) and told her that, because I’m immune suppressed, I’m supposed to have a private room in a low traffic area. The doctor’s response to this was that they only gave private rooms to people who were immune compromised. So, apparently immune suppressed is different? You would think that putting an immune suppressed person through two surgeries within 48 hours would make them count as an immune compromised person, but I guess this doctor wasn’t thinking. In fact, I don’t think that doctor really thought about anything the whole time we were there. Anyway, my mom complained about it on the phone to a couple family members, but the fact remained that I was stuck living with whoever was behind that curtain. And for a couple days after that, every time the roommate talked to one of her family or friends she would whisper for awhile about the “immune suppressed girl” sharing the room with her.
The Roommate:
Name: Andrea
Home: Farm outside of Beatrice, Nebraska
Gender: Female
Age: 50-ish
Body Type: Very obese
Family: Married, has 1, maybe 2 children. Endless relatives and redneck friends.
Health Issues: Liver tumors, diabetes.
Hobbies: Raising pigs, showing pigs in the county fair, slaughtering pigs, eating like a redneck, belching like a redneck, complaining, calling every single person she knows at least once a day, worrying about her vacuum cleaner.
Favorite TV Shows: If there were a redneck network, she’d watch it. Instead, she’s forced to flip through TV channels to find the following shows:
-Wheel of Fortune (oh goodness did she watch a lot of that show)
-Soap Operas
-Army Wives (She complained to no less than 4 people on the phone that the hospital didn’t have the Lifetime network.)
-She watched at least one episode of Dr. Phil that was about a guy with a sex ego who slept with around 6 different women on a “good night”.
Favorite Books: All I ever saw were tabloids.
Current Status (from when I was writing some of this down at the hospital): She’s moaning, farting and burping in pain with the TV volume up to the max. She was watching Wheel of Fortune, but now it sounds as if she’s switched it to a cop show. Does she like having the TV on so loud while she’s having a pain episode?
Name: Andrea
Home: Farm outside of Beatrice, Nebraska
Gender: Female
Age: 50-ish
Body Type: Very obese
Family: Married, has 1, maybe 2 children. Endless relatives and redneck friends.
Health Issues: Liver tumors, diabetes.
Hobbies: Raising pigs, showing pigs in the county fair, slaughtering pigs, eating like a redneck, belching like a redneck, complaining, calling every single person she knows at least once a day, worrying about her vacuum cleaner.
Favorite TV Shows: If there were a redneck network, she’d watch it. Instead, she’s forced to flip through TV channels to find the following shows:
-Wheel of Fortune (oh goodness did she watch a lot of that show)
-Soap Operas
-Army Wives (She complained to no less than 4 people on the phone that the hospital didn’t have the Lifetime network.)
-She watched at least one episode of Dr. Phil that was about a guy with a sex ego who slept with around 6 different women on a “good night”.
Favorite Books: All I ever saw were tabloids.
Current Status (from when I was writing some of this down at the hospital): She’s moaning, farting and burping in pain with the TV volume up to the max. She was watching Wheel of Fortune, but now it sounds as if she’s switched it to a cop show. Does she like having the TV on so loud while she’s having a pain episode?
The above information is a testament to Andrea’s loud and forward nature because never once did we have a conversation with her (only polite remarks here and there where proper etiquette required it) and I only ever caught a few glimpses of her.
=======================
The Television
Despite the fact that the hospital beds have a personal stereo system so you can keep the volume from bothering others, Andrea turns the volume up to the max. If a medical professional walks in to talk to her, or someone calls her on the phone, she does nothing different about the volume. I’ve had the pleasure numerous times of having my ear drums blown out by her simultaneous phone conversations and TV viewing.
When one of my friends was visiting me she heard an exchange between Andrea and the nurse that I somehow missed (I was pretty drugged). It isn’t hard to know what’s going on on the other side of the curtain because Andrea’s vocal volume is about the same as her TV’s. Anyway, apparently the nurse came in and Andrea demanded, “Where’s the TV button?”
“It’s right there on your bed,” replied the nurse.
“Where? I don’t see it.”
“It’s the button with a picture of a TV on it,” said the nurse, obviously surprised at the incompetence of this woman.
“Well I can’t see it; I don’t have my glasses on!”
I was in the same kind of hospital bed and the button would have been 3 inches away from her face. The nurse, seeming rather exasperated, went and pointed out the button to Andrea, who pressed it. She then turned down the volume incredibly low and asked the nurse, “Do you think this is too loud? Will it disturb the girl next to me?”
The nurse assured her it was fine. The minute the nurse left the room Andrea cranked up the volume to the max.
I like quiet, especially when I’m healing. I think most people do. If there is any kind of loud noise it just makes me hurt all over and possibly want to throw up. It just doesn’t work for me. Also, sleeping is a big challenge for me if there is any kind of noise besides rats making nests. And I hate TV. We don’t have TV at home, and while I like some shows, I don’t understand the draw of the whole TV thing. Needless to say, Andrea’s constant and loud TV viewing was hard on me. We tried ear plugs, but the sound still came through.
I did bring a movie with me to the hospital and the TV we had on our half of the room had a DVD and VHS player with it, but did I ever get the chance to watch that movie? No. Did I ever get a chance to watch a TV show if I wanted? No. One day I watched the clock and Andrea had had the TV on for eleven hours straight. Not only that, but she would keep it on until past eleven at night sometimes. Apparently they don’t teach rednecks etiquette.
Sometimes, when the TV was off, mom and I would get a chance to actually talk to each other (I couldn’t talk very loud at all, sometimes barely above a whisper, because of all the fluid in my lungs). We always talked a little softer than usual because it’s good manners when you’re sharing a room with someone else. Usually, in the middle of these conversations, Andrea would turn on the TV and drown us out so that mom and I couldn’t talk anymore. I don’t know about you, but if you were sharing a hospital room with someone and they’re having a conversation, don’t you sort of automatically adjust whatever you’re doing so you don’t disturb them?
I got a few visitors when I was in the hospital. One day, when I had a lot of people coming, Andrea happened to have her daughter with her and they were both watching a soap opera very loudly. They did not adjust the volume so that I could talk to my visitors. We ended up having to practically shout at each other. And all my visitors witnessed the horror that was Andrea. I told them you get used to the juicy belches and the farting after a while.
When one of my friends was visiting me she heard an exchange between Andrea and the nurse that I somehow missed (I was pretty drugged). It isn’t hard to know what’s going on on the other side of the curtain because Andrea’s vocal volume is about the same as her TV’s. Anyway, apparently the nurse came in and Andrea demanded, “Where’s the TV button?”
“It’s right there on your bed,” replied the nurse.
“Where? I don’t see it.”
“It’s the button with a picture of a TV on it,” said the nurse, obviously surprised at the incompetence of this woman.
“Well I can’t see it; I don’t have my glasses on!”
I was in the same kind of hospital bed and the button would have been 3 inches away from her face. The nurse, seeming rather exasperated, went and pointed out the button to Andrea, who pressed it. She then turned down the volume incredibly low and asked the nurse, “Do you think this is too loud? Will it disturb the girl next to me?”
The nurse assured her it was fine. The minute the nurse left the room Andrea cranked up the volume to the max.
I like quiet, especially when I’m healing. I think most people do. If there is any kind of loud noise it just makes me hurt all over and possibly want to throw up. It just doesn’t work for me. Also, sleeping is a big challenge for me if there is any kind of noise besides rats making nests. And I hate TV. We don’t have TV at home, and while I like some shows, I don’t understand the draw of the whole TV thing. Needless to say, Andrea’s constant and loud TV viewing was hard on me. We tried ear plugs, but the sound still came through.
I did bring a movie with me to the hospital and the TV we had on our half of the room had a DVD and VHS player with it, but did I ever get the chance to watch that movie? No. Did I ever get a chance to watch a TV show if I wanted? No. One day I watched the clock and Andrea had had the TV on for eleven hours straight. Not only that, but she would keep it on until past eleven at night sometimes. Apparently they don’t teach rednecks etiquette.
Sometimes, when the TV was off, mom and I would get a chance to actually talk to each other (I couldn’t talk very loud at all, sometimes barely above a whisper, because of all the fluid in my lungs). We always talked a little softer than usual because it’s good manners when you’re sharing a room with someone else. Usually, in the middle of these conversations, Andrea would turn on the TV and drown us out so that mom and I couldn’t talk anymore. I don’t know about you, but if you were sharing a hospital room with someone and they’re having a conversation, don’t you sort of automatically adjust whatever you’re doing so you don’t disturb them?
I got a few visitors when I was in the hospital. One day, when I had a lot of people coming, Andrea happened to have her daughter with her and they were both watching a soap opera very loudly. They did not adjust the volume so that I could talk to my visitors. We ended up having to practically shout at each other. And all my visitors witnessed the horror that was Andrea. I told them you get used to the juicy belches and the farting after a while.
Visitors
Andrea also got large groups of visitors, all of whom were loud rednecks who cussed and talked about the vilest things. Not to mention they all talked at once. These people usually stayed for over an hour. I usually ended up pushing my morphine button a lot.
On one of these occasions when there was a large group of visitors, Andrea was explaining that she had to kept on oxygen all the time because otherwise her oxygen saturation would drop below normal. One woman asked, “So how everyone is the world doesn’t have to wear an oxygen thing? Where do we get our oxygen?”
“Oh, that’s cuz there’s oxygen in the air,” Andrea sagely explained.
“Oooh.”
Any suspicions my mom and I had that these people were rednecks was confirmed for us right then.
On one of these occasions when there was a large group of visitors, Andrea was explaining that she had to kept on oxygen all the time because otherwise her oxygen saturation would drop below normal. One woman asked, “So how everyone is the world doesn’t have to wear an oxygen thing? Where do we get our oxygen?”
“Oh, that’s cuz there’s oxygen in the air,” Andrea sagely explained.
“Oooh.”
Any suspicions my mom and I had that these people were rednecks was confirmed for us right then.
Talking
I think I’ve pretty well established that Andrea was loud. Too make things worse, though, she was also chatty. At 3 AM when we got our blood drawn she would talk in her loudest voice and chat away with the phlebotomist forever. Even though my blood had already been drawn and I was free to go back to sleep, I usually had to wait a good fifteen minutes to a half an hour for her to be quiet. And then it started all over again at whatever hour her doctors chose to come in.
Then there was the cell phone conversations. As mentioned before, Andrea called, what seemed like, everyone she know at least once a day. She usually called her husband two or three times a day. During these conversations she would loudly explain in great detail every facet of her bodily functions and any other medical information, regardless of how relevant it was. The special part of this was that we got to hear her recount this information to a very lot of people every single day.
Then there was the cell phone conversations. As mentioned before, Andrea called, what seemed like, everyone she know at least once a day. She usually called her husband two or three times a day. During these conversations she would loudly explain in great detail every facet of her bodily functions and any other medical information, regardless of how relevant it was. The special part of this was that we got to hear her recount this information to a very lot of people every single day.
The Vacuum Cleaner
One of the more pathetic stories we heard a lot about through Andrea’s phone calls was the vacuum cleaner. Apparently her daughter had offered to clean up Andrea’s house a little and then another relative went over later to find her vacuum cleaner missing. The daughter had taken it to her house to use for awhile. Andrea had to talk and talk and talk about this to many different people. She practically made the whole thing into its own soap opera.
“Well she can’t just throw it around. I mean, it’s made of plastic! She could break it!”
Ask my mom to do her impression of Andrea talking about her vacuum cleaner. It’s a hoot.
“Well she can’t just throw it around. I mean, it’s made of plastic! She could break it!”
Ask my mom to do her impression of Andrea talking about her vacuum cleaner. It’s a hoot.
The Pigs
On our first day at the hospital we heard about the pigs. We had been there for maybe an hour or so when Andrea inevitably started talking on her cell phone. It soon became apparent that she was talking about some pigs that she and her family had raised and were showing in the county fair that day. She went on and on about these pigs in such a redneck manner that mom and I started looking at each other with weird expressions on our faces. It wasn’t long before we heard the word “slaughter”. I was already in a lot of pain, very drugged and very unhappy. To hear about pigs being raised, loved, named, shown in the fair and then killed just about threw me over the edge for the day.
In every single phone call Andrea ever made she talked about the pigs. My friend, who had the pleasure of listening to some of these conversations (she was so loud you couldn’t not listen) said it was hard to differentiate between when she stopped talking about family members and started talking about the pigs.
In every single phone call Andrea ever made she talked about the pigs. My friend, who had the pleasure of listening to some of these conversations (she was so loud you couldn’t not listen) said it was hard to differentiate between when she stopped talking about family members and started talking about the pigs.
Food
As mentioned before, Andrea is a diabetic. But she’s also a redneck, so you can imagine how well those two things mix. On the same day we were each told we could return to a normal diet as much as possible. Meaning, we could eat whatever we wanted. I decided I’d try a Boost nutritional shake (you know, that stuff in a can) and see how that went down. Andrea called to order food and decided to start her tummy off gently as well. Not! She ordered turkey and country fried potatoes and this greasy gross stuff.
The next morning she ordered pancakes, bacon, hash browns and eggs with sugar-free syrup for the pancakes (you know, because she’s diabetic). And man, the smell of that greasy hospital food was enough to take away any tiny bit of an appetite I did have. Afterwards Andrea would sit and belch in the juiciest, most redneck way she knew how. Then she’d start moaning (she did this moaning routine quite often. We learned to live with it) and perhaps give a fart or two before calling for the nurse to whom she would complain of an upset stomach. I wonder if she ever saw the connection between her eating habits and her nausea…
Then came the day when she ordered the chicken tenders (and of course some sugar-free pie with a scoop of ice cream). After that day she couldn’t shut up about those chicken tenders. She’d ask the nurses, “Have you tried the chicken tenders here? They’re delicious!” The nurses seemed rather confused. Here was someone who was actually praising hospital food. Andrea would call up her friends and family, “They have the most amazing chicken tenders here.”
From then on she made sure to always order some of those chicken tenders, along with some fries, of course. As for me, I was still working on getting used to toast.
The next morning she ordered pancakes, bacon, hash browns and eggs with sugar-free syrup for the pancakes (you know, because she’s diabetic). And man, the smell of that greasy hospital food was enough to take away any tiny bit of an appetite I did have. Afterwards Andrea would sit and belch in the juiciest, most redneck way she knew how. Then she’d start moaning (she did this moaning routine quite often. We learned to live with it) and perhaps give a fart or two before calling for the nurse to whom she would complain of an upset stomach. I wonder if she ever saw the connection between her eating habits and her nausea…
Then came the day when she ordered the chicken tenders (and of course some sugar-free pie with a scoop of ice cream). After that day she couldn’t shut up about those chicken tenders. She’d ask the nurses, “Have you tried the chicken tenders here? They’re delicious!” The nurses seemed rather confused. Here was someone who was actually praising hospital food. Andrea would call up her friends and family, “They have the most amazing chicken tenders here.”
From then on she made sure to always order some of those chicken tenders, along with some fries, of course. As for me, I was still working on getting used to toast.
The Priest
It was a normal day. I was staring at the wall and pushing my morphine button and Andrea had the TV on ridiculously loud (you could seriously hear it from outside of the room and then some, I had found out). I heard a couple people enter the room. Two male voices greeted Andrea who greeted them back in a most distracted manner, as if she was very absorbed in whatever she was watching. Then I heard what sounded like a prayer and then the two men leaving the room. Now I could be wrong since I didn’t actually see any of this, but based on what I heard, I’d guess that Andrea didn’t take her eyes (or ears) off the TV the entire time this priest (or whoever it was) was praying for her.
IV Beeps
Andrea had many IV pumps and monitors, as did I, but hers seemed to beep quite more often. So, on top of her loud talking and loud TV, we also had her loud IVs and monitors. Now, I know IVs beep a lot, but hers went above and beyond. What really made it hard was that she always thought the beeping was coming from me, so she’s never press the nurse button. When someone would finally come in Andrea would say, “I think one of the machines over there is beeping.”
“No, that’s your IV,” the nurse would say.
“Oh. Really?”
It happened like this almost every time. You’d think she learn.
“No, that’s your IV,” the nurse would say.
“Oh. Really?”
It happened like this almost every time. You’d think she learn.
===================
Looking back on the whole Andrea situation, we really should have confronted her or told a nurse or doctor about what was going on. I would write my mom notes of sorrow about Andrea’s habits keeping me from sleep or rest of any kind. At the same time, she sure was a character and makes for some great storytelling. These anecdotes are really experienced best when we can tell them verbally, but I wanted to have a written record of it all in case I forgot. If I remember anymore Andrea stories or come across any of the notes I wrote about her, I’ll be sure to update this record and share them with all of you.
Health Update List
The update for today is
- I do indeed have a urinary tract infection for which I am now being treated.
- Now two of my incisions are infected and draining gross fluids of which I won't go into detail.
- My MELD score (where I am on the transplant list) is now a 17. It used to be a 13, so that means I'm higher on the list now.
- My constant nose bleeds are because of my blood's inability to clot (as witnessed before with my post-surgery internal bleeding that took three hours to stop). A new liver will fix this problem.
- I'm still having a lot of pain so I'm still taking a lot of painkillers. The painkillers may actually be making my pain worse (since they slow down stuff going through the intestines) so we're going to try to wean me off of them and onto Tylenol, despite the fact the Tylenol does nothing for me. I might as well take a sugar pill. I'm not looking forward to losing my pain meds, no matter how slowly.
- My appetite is getting a little better.
I plan to get back to blogging very soon here. I've just been copying and pasting my email health updates here so that ya'll have some background of what's going on with me. Right now I'm getting some more fun stuff ready to share about my hospital time. Stay tuned!
Thursday, August 7, 2008
What's Been Going On At Home
August 5th, 2008
Hi,
Just wanted to let ya'll know that my time at home has gone relatively well. I've had some rough patches, but the three narcotics I can take simultaneously seem to be doing their job. I am going to see my gynecologist tomorrow because of some infection around one of the incision sites.
Basically, I've been sleeping all day with 2-4 hour waking times in between my long naps. It's so great to have the ratties and the cats here, though. And being in my own bed and room and recliner is great.
Thanks to everyone for your support and for all the cards I've been getting. I wish I could give you all a bazillion dollars!
Becca
August 6th, 2008
First of all, forgive me if this email has tons of typos or badly phrased sentences. I'm really super out of it today.
So the last couple of days my tummy has been feeling worse and then I had this drainage out of one of my incisions so we went to see the gynecologist today. She looked at the incision and said to try and antibiotic cream and to watch and make sure the redness didn't spread.
We talked about maybe doing some physical therapy down the line since I can't seem to stay awake long enough to do much exercising. We also talked about going to see a pain management specialist since right now the doctors are so limited in what they can give me (I can't have anything that contains aspirin, ibuprofen, or too much Tylenol).
I gave them a urine sample since there are some issues there and I also got a few blood tests done. We're going to be calling UNMC to see if we can see my liver doctor, Dr. Mukherjee, sooner rather than later and ask him about all these things and get his opinion. Also, since my clotting factor is so weird, I've been having around 7 nose bleeds a day and if my lip cracks and starts to bleed (which is does almost everyday) it take 3-4 hours for the bleeding to stop. This clotting factor thing could be related to the liver, but we're not sure. Anyway, we gotta get the opinions of a lot of different specialists because I'm such a complicated case.
Today, I'm just lying around, feeling so tired and immovable that it feels like I don't really exist. Public outings really take it out of me. The rats and Velvet are keeping me company, though and I'm trying to eat a little.
Becca
Hi,
Just wanted to let ya'll know that my time at home has gone relatively well. I've had some rough patches, but the three narcotics I can take simultaneously seem to be doing their job. I am going to see my gynecologist tomorrow because of some infection around one of the incision sites.
Basically, I've been sleeping all day with 2-4 hour waking times in between my long naps. It's so great to have the ratties and the cats here, though. And being in my own bed and room and recliner is great.
Thanks to everyone for your support and for all the cards I've been getting. I wish I could give you all a bazillion dollars!
Becca
August 6th, 2008
First of all, forgive me if this email has tons of typos or badly phrased sentences. I'm really super out of it today.
So the last couple of days my tummy has been feeling worse and then I had this drainage out of one of my incisions so we went to see the gynecologist today. She looked at the incision and said to try and antibiotic cream and to watch and make sure the redness didn't spread.
We talked about maybe doing some physical therapy down the line since I can't seem to stay awake long enough to do much exercising. We also talked about going to see a pain management specialist since right now the doctors are so limited in what they can give me (I can't have anything that contains aspirin, ibuprofen, or too much Tylenol).
I gave them a urine sample since there are some issues there and I also got a few blood tests done. We're going to be calling UNMC to see if we can see my liver doctor, Dr. Mukherjee, sooner rather than later and ask him about all these things and get his opinion. Also, since my clotting factor is so weird, I've been having around 7 nose bleeds a day and if my lip cracks and starts to bleed (which is does almost everyday) it take 3-4 hours for the bleeding to stop. This clotting factor thing could be related to the liver, but we're not sure. Anyway, we gotta get the opinions of a lot of different specialists because I'm such a complicated case.
Today, I'm just lying around, feeling so tired and immovable that it feels like I don't really exist. Public outings really take it out of me. The rats and Velvet are keeping me company, though and I'm trying to eat a little.
Becca
Friday, August 1, 2008
Home (again)
So yesterday I got to come home! :D I'd had a really good night. The day wasn't going so well, but it wasn't horrible or anything. About 2 hours after my sister arrived home from Colorado (visiting mour Dad) I also arrived home.
I slept for about three hours and had a nice reunion with all my animals before Gina came over to clean the rat cages. During this time my pain started getting really bad (like borderline ER visit). Mom stepped in, even though she'd already gone to bed, and figured out which pain meds I could take (this pain requires 3 types of narcotics simultaneously, and sometimes those don't even work). Mom got me all situated in a comfortable position with a heating pad and I was finally able to get some sleep. Meanwhile, Aprille had come over and was helping Gina put my bed back (it had been moved for the recliner) and rearrange some stuff so I could access my things from both my recliner and my bed. I woke up a lot during the night and during 4 AM I was doing very well pain-wise soI organized my tables a bit. Then I slept in until about noon.
Today I'm having my normal amount of pain, but hopefully the drugs will all start kicking into high gear soon.
I'm having fluctuating body temperatures, lots of cramping and bruising on my tummy. These are all signs that the body is starting to heal itself, so I'm happy for that (though not for the pain). So hopefully I'm on the road to recovery here...it's just going to be painful.
A big thank you to the many people who came and visited me in the hospital and brought me flowers and balloons and toys! I think the record was 7 visitors in one day. And another big thank you for all of your kind, thoughful emails and cards, prayers and positive thoughts. I appreciate that so much.
Becca
I slept for about three hours and had a nice reunion with all my animals before Gina came over to clean the rat cages. During this time my pain started getting really bad (like borderline ER visit). Mom stepped in, even though she'd already gone to bed, and figured out which pain meds I could take (this pain requires 3 types of narcotics simultaneously, and sometimes those don't even work). Mom got me all situated in a comfortable position with a heating pad and I was finally able to get some sleep. Meanwhile, Aprille had come over and was helping Gina put my bed back (it had been moved for the recliner) and rearrange some stuff so I could access my things from both my recliner and my bed. I woke up a lot during the night and during 4 AM I was doing very well pain-wise soI organized my tables a bit. Then I slept in until about noon.
Today I'm having my normal amount of pain, but hopefully the drugs will all start kicking into high gear soon.
I'm having fluctuating body temperatures, lots of cramping and bruising on my tummy. These are all signs that the body is starting to heal itself, so I'm happy for that (though not for the pain). So hopefully I'm on the road to recovery here...it's just going to be painful.
A big thank you to the many people who came and visited me in the hospital and brought me flowers and balloons and toys! I think the record was 7 visitors in one day. And another big thank you for all of your kind, thoughful emails and cards, prayers and positive thoughts. I appreciate that so much.
Becca
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