Over and Done With

Dear Friends,
Boy has it been a roller coaster the past 20 hours or so. Last night I drank my contrast all over again like good girl, but right before I started I got horrible chills. And hour later I was burning up and in a cold sweat. My temperature had reached over 101 degrees. Just in case you didn't already know, the immune suppressing drugs I take make me not register fevers on a thermometer, so when it the thermometer registers a fever we're in trouble. Obviously, this infection inside this abscess was getting to me.
I woke up early in the morning with the migraine from hell. I couldn't stop throwing up, either. The nurses on the floor were having trouble getting my Imatrex for me, so I suffered for hours. The fever was still raging, too. When I got down to interventional radiology for my procedure (barfing all the way, I might add) the anesthesiologist said they wouldn't be able to do the procedure with me this sick. I could choke on my vomit, for one thing. So, they were able to assert their authority and at the last minute go me some Imatrex (which, thank you God, managed not to throw up). The anesthesiologist (a very, very sweet lady) also have me some pretty heavy narcotics and more Zofran, which took the edge off the pain and kept me from vomiting.
When I woke up my migraine was gone (woo hoo!) and the only pain I had to complain about was a dull throbbing on the right side of my rear. And apparently the procedure had lasted around 4 hours. For what reason I don't know, but I hear Rayne had a conniption and called my mom.
An external drain had been put in to drain the abscess. Now my chart says that the drain is in my lower back, but it lies because that thing is right in my, ahem, "sitting muscle". This is not cool. But, I'll do what it takes to end this abscess' reign of terror.
So here I am, feeling great because my migraine is gone and I've returned from my vacation in Barfopolis. Yeah, the drain hurts, but that will wear off soon. It's nothing compared to this morning's migraine. Nothing like the pain of a near aneurysm to put things in perspective, right? Right now I am actually waiting to go get some ultrasounds done. One of them is going to be painful, but I was promised morphine. And again, the perspective granted me by this morning's pain is doing me good.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Maybe I'll get to go home. I have no idea, but I'll be sure to keep you all updated.

Becca

I Hate Doctors

Well, the doctors messed up my anesthesia needs again. We told them over and over and over yesterday that I would need general anesthesia because sedation didn't work. So..they scheduled me to have sedation. Now I have to wait until tomorrow when they can get anesthesia involoved and drink the contrast all over again. I'm very, very frustrated about this.

Anyway, looks like it's gonna be another boring day here.

Becca

Health Update, Again

Dear Everybody,
It's been a boring few days. I've seen my liver team and various individual members of it, about 4 different gynecologists (I'll just say that yesterday morning was a very painful on, despite all the morphine), and other various people, like students for example.I've had to do a lot of fasting for tests that never happened, which is frustrating. I've had to do a lot of waiting around, too. I don't feel all that sick right now so I wish I could just be at home with my rats. I've been trying to keep myself occupied with watercoloring, reading and surfing the net.
Now, something is finally happening. The interventional radiologists have taken a look at my CT scans and determined that they could try draining this thing with a needle instead of surgery. So tomorrow morning I go get a CT and then get this thing taken care of, if all goes well. I have to be under general anesthesia since sedatives don't do the trick for me. But it sounds like if these radiologists are successful I'll get to skip the risks and long recovery of surgery, which is just fine with me, thank you very much.
Thank you all for your kind words and emails!

Becca

A Health Update

Hi all,

Went to the ER this morning because of a pain episode. I got a CT scan and it showed that my abscess had grown considerably. Now I'm here in the transplant wing of the hospital in Omaha waiting to get surgery to remove said abscess. It'll probaby all go down on Monday.

I won't be able to participate in Fun Monday :( So if you're here looking for that, I'm sorry.

Victoria Magazine

I've always loved Victoria Magazine. I'm not sure when I read my first issue but I'm guessing it was around three years ago. My Gramma had been going through some things in the house and found a small stack of old issues dating back as far as 1988. I was dismayed when I heard the magazine had stopped being published around 2001 or so. I searched online but it seemed that, besides some overpriced back issues, the magazine had all but disappeared.

That was when our neighbor from across the street (who joins us at for afternoon tea quite often) started bringing over years and years worth of Victoria magazines she no longer wanted. I took them all home where I got a start on them but was soon distracted by other things and forgot about them. My mother however, who spends her free time journaling and looking at decorating magazines, picked up where I left off. After she was done the magazines somehow found their way into the black hole that is the space underneath our living room coffee table.

Recently my mom, in an attempt to clean the living room a bit, rediscovered the Victoria magazines and started going through them again, dogearing pages to her hearts content. It wasn't long before I picked up an issue and was pleasantly reminded of the blessing I'd left behind. I grabbed a few issues and disappreared to my room to read. Sometimes I was in too much pain to read all of the articles, but the beautiful pictures that mixed the 90s grainy camera with Victorian homes, wares, and clothing were enough.

The articles rekindled my desire for creative endeavors that translated into small but meaningful acts of love. I started watercoloring again. I watercolored thank you cards that I wrote out and sent instead of emailed. I watercolored small pictures and presented them to my mom when I was up one night because of pain. "These are things that remind me of you," I said, wishing I could capture more of her like her hands, so beautiful to me because of how they have reached out to care and to love. Or her smell, baby powder and lavender and that mysterious scent that a child will always recognize as their parents'. And what is it she puts in my tea that makes it so much sweeter?

Anyway, back on topic. About 6 months or so ago Victoria magazine came back in all its glory. Today, my Mom bought me the autumn issue to look at and I must say I'm quite pleased. Some thing have changed; there is extended content online, for example. But overall, the feeling and principles of the magazine remain the same.

Probably not many 21-year-old young women read Victoria, but I'm the girl who started attending english afternoon tea (a tradition passed on to our family by a British neighbor. We now live in her old house) from the day I was brought home from the hospital. I developed a taste for scones, clotted cream and cucumber sandwiches. Anytime a tea house sprang up in our area we were sure to frequent it on special occasions.

I grew up reading books like The Edwardian Lady, Brambly Hedge, Beatrix Potter, The Secret Garden, etc. All of our dishes were collectables featuring the artwork of the first three authors I mentioned. I decided at the age of 9 or 10 that I wanted to be an interior decorator. My mom has always decorated our house with a garden theme and, again, many of our decorations were collectables from those three authors. One of my favorite things was my Benjamin Bunny music box.

My Grandfather was a poet and playwright. Ever seen the play of the Wind and the Willows? My Grandfather, Joeseph Baldwin wrote that. My Grandma on my father's side paints a lot of botanicals, her forte being watercolor. My mother, too, does artwork that could pass for British garden themes any day. Flora and fauna were a subject of education as well, my mothing bringing up my sister and I to appreciate all things that grow. If we visited another city there was not one garden we left unvisited.

So, you see, I grew up with an appreciation for the kind of things in this magazine. It is a breath of fresh air to me. I think you'll like it as well. Instead of fashion spreads full of the latest off the runways you'll fashion studies on things like linen or antique wedding dresses. Instead of recipes for macaroni and cheese and chocolate cake you'll find recipes for lavender jelly, scones and strawberry tarts. Instead of tips on how to get rid of that pesky flab you'll find poems, remembrances and reflections on such subjects as gardening and kindred spirits. Instead of an interview with the celebrity of the moment you'll find articles dedicated to such women as Tasha Tudor or the wife of Thomas Edison. Instead of decorating ideas on how to make polka dots work for your living room, you'll visit some of the most beautiful Victorian homes in the country.

I think you all get the idea!

EDIT

And because Rayne asked for it:

Baldwin Family Cucumber Sandwiches

1 package small dark brown (I think they're rye) bread slices (you can usually find these near the deli, they're about 2 in x 2 in)

1 cucumber

1 container cream cheese

Fresh dill

Cut cucumber into desired size slices. Chop dill so that most of the leaves seperate from the stems. Spread bread slices with cream cheese and top with on slice cucumber and a sprinkling of chopped dill.

For a different variation try substituting the cucumber with tomatoes and sprinkling with salt and/or black pepper. Or even try sugar to give the sandwich more of a sweet taste (this is how I like them)!

A Tribute to the PICC Line

My PICC line is gone now, but I wanted to share some photos of it. I just think PICC lines are so cool. I mean anytime I get to pass on needle sticks for a month is fine with me. Although, they poked me probably around 10 times to get the darn PICC in, so maybe I got my share anyway...


This here is my arm (duh) and all the glorious tubing that I had to hook myself up to. To the right is the cute little bag of antibiotics and the thing by my hand is the pump.
Here's a blurry photo of the PICC line. I didn't show the part that actually goes into my arm because I figure most people are squemish about that kind of thing.
Here is another blurry photo, this one of my special purse that housed the antibiotic bag and the pump. It had handy compartments for everything and it zipped right up. It looked so normal that I don't think people in public could even tell I was hooked up to something unless they looked closely.

Well, it's back to being poked multiple times for IVs...hopefully I won't have to do that for another couple weeks. That's if I can stay out of the emergency room. I've had some close calls this past week.

Kind Words

As ya'll know, I'm active in rat rescue and with Capital City Rat Rescue and its supporters. There is a CCRR forum to discuss all things rat that I like to post and and share on. I was posting a health update for those concerned and one of the ladies posted a very nice comment. She's a new rat owner who does a wonderful job with her rats and is a funny, great person to boot. This was the comment she left:

I know you don't know me, but I read your blog a lot and you are always in my prayers. If you would feel comfortable forwarding them me, I would love to read your health updates. I think you are very, very brave and very much a believer in life. I admire your courage and most definitely your sense of humor. For someone who I consider to be very young, you are remarkably wise and have a way of dealing with reality that most adult people of any age lack. I find you very refreshing: you see the world for what it is but you always find a way to step into the light it offers. You remind me of how much of a gift life truly is.
I'm also in Lincoln, so if you ever need to talk to someone I'd be glad to listen. If there is ever anything you need help with let me know.
Kathy

I'm not sharing this to try and advertise how great I am, but because it touched me so much. It's important to me that I continue to be optimistic and to be a light to others no matter what dark clouds are surrounding my life. It's wonderful to hear that someone actually thinks that all that is true about me. It makes me feel like I've accomplished something. When people tell me things like this it makes me feel better about all the risks of my exsistance; I could die at any time but it's okay because I inspired and encouraged someone.