Purple Haze

(Rayne, I'm too lazy to write this out again, so I'm stealing my own words from the email I sent you)

My mom woke me up this morning asking why I hadn't dropped off Shirley at the vets for her surgery and I said, "I told you yesterday you were supposed to do it!" She didn't remember me saying anything of the kind and she had to leave for play rehersal so guess who had to get up, throw on some clothes and drive? Mornings are the hardest for me, so I hoped that the pain wouldn't kick in until I'd gotten home. Somehow, though, I dragged myself to the grocery store for more rice milk and yogurt. I stocked up on baby food, too since the only food I've been eating the last few days are nutritional shakes and potato chips. I also got one of those "Gerber Graduates" meals. Just my size! When I came home I made my sister make me some french toast, which I ate even though it made me full and nauseous for hours. Oh well. I wouldn't have eaten anything otherwise. And I was able to go pick up Shirley just now and she is doing wonderfully. So yes, after all that I want to pass out. My liver is mad. I don't think he likes me anymore.

I managed to take a shower later on and then drove back to the clinic to pick up Shirley. She did great and her site looked wonderful. I was so tired, though, I probably shouldn't have been driving. I went home and took a codine.

Then I went to art! It was a blast. I drew a picture of a pot of peas and wrote "Peas are my favorite-Rayne" under it. I also drew a black cat, a couch and a girl with a huge, green, liver with an angry face and two sad ovaries. She had yellow eyes like me. I just noticed today how yellow my eyes are. My bilirubin must be through the roof. The last thing I drew was a toilet that had another Rayne quote, "I don't care if I have to strap a potty to my ass". I just got such a kick out of those lines that I had to draw corresponding doodles.

My art teacher introduced me to a mother of a new student the way she always introduces me, "This is Becca and I first met her when she was dying"
"Yup," I say casually, "And I'm dying again now."

I first met my art teacher when I was 11 and she was my 6th grade art teacher. March of that school year I got my second liver transplant. Ms. Mattley has a flair for the dramatic. Now I just go to her house and there's only one other student there besides my sister and we sat outside and worked on whatever project we wanted.

I finished The Host last night. Excellent book! Some of her character scenarios are the same as in her Twilight books, but it was still very original.

A couple days ago I got my list of appointments for my transplant evaluation. The evaluation lasts three says and it deteremines if I need a new liver transplant and if I do (which is very, very likely) then it will determine where and how I am placed on the list. The test are from early morning until early afternoon and consist of everything from X-Rays to social workers.

Apparently they have me scheduled for a chest x-ray, EkG, blood test and drug screen all at the same time. I'm not looking forward to seeing the nutritionist. "Yes, I eat a diet of potato chips and Boost." Like that's going to go over well. I can't eat that much, but the nutritionist will probably demand some potato chip-free diet and make me eat, I dunno, cereal made out of crushed up vitamins or something. Or make me guzzle a bag of that IV fluid.

I love IV nutrition. No eating involved and it makes me feel so much better.

When I was a kid, before I had procedures or surgery, my mom and I would write silly messages on my tummy and tape gum and the like to it. That way, when the doctor moved my hospital gown he got a surprise. We figured out all sorts of ways to make hospitals fun. I can't really do that anymore now that I'm 20 (21 in three weeks!). They'd probably put me in a straight jacket.

But that made me think that, before I get all in this transplant thing, I want to do something to make me a little more original. I want to do something kinda crazy. Ya know, just in case I die or something. The first thing that came to mind was purple highlights. I know I'm lame, so shut up. But now I'm dead serious. I want to get purple streaks in my hair. I'm gonna do it! I mean, I've been pretty much wearing sweats and no makeup for 6 months. I can't be as original with my apperence as I would normally. But I can change my hair.